This Is It

"If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God." Colossians 3:1-3

This week begins my 9th year homeschooling. Well, technically 13th, but we won't get technical.

A few things are happening to make this year particularly challenging. It also feels extremely special. There is a dynamic surrounding this time that I recognize, but haven't fully grasped. Likely, there are several dynamics and they are all circling my fuzzy brain just close enough to notice, but heavy enough to keep me searching.

At any rate, I find myself looking to the Lord more and more for the guidance and wisdom I need this year. I see how He has worked in the past to bring me to this place. I see how He is building on the work He has begun in our family. I see that it was a preparation for what lies ahead. 

I can't help but feel a very heavy burden on me each morning as I rise, considering all the tasks and responsibilities before me. Yet, He is here. You are here, Lord. Your word is alive and speaking of promise, comfort, strength and hope. You lovingly call out the truth that it is for this reason that I have been called by You.

The work You have been doing in me since the moment I met You, now is the time to see the fruit. I know I have much more to learn. I know I need so much more from You. But, in a little house, in a little town, in a not-so-little family, I see You pushing me forward into the life You have prepared for me. This is one of those moments, (and You know I've had them before) where I find myself standing at a huge precipice, overlooking amazing blessings and challenges before me. There is more awaiting me than I can fully embrace, and I cannot move forward without You there beside me. Yet, I am filled with such joy as I consider what You are doing in our lives and all that lies before us. Thank You, Lord. Thank You for the abundance of Your love for me. I am in awe over the work You do in my life.

So, This Is It.

What Has Been Done pushes The Work At Hand forward to embrace All That Awaits.

Savior, like a shepherd lead us,
Much we need Thy tender care;
In Thy pleasant pastures feed us,
For our use They folds prepare:

Blessed Jesus, Blessed Jesus,
Thou has bought us,
Thine we are;
Blessed Jesus, Blessed Jesus,
Thou has bought us,
Thine we are.

We are Thine-do Thou befriend us,
Be the Guardian of our way;
Keep Thy flock, from sin defend us,
Seek us when we go astray:

Blessed Jesus, Blessed Jesus,
Hear, O hear us when we pray;
Blessed Jesus, Blesses Jesus,
Hear, O hear us when we pray.

Thou has promised to receive us,
Poor and sinful tho we be;
Thou hast mercy to relieve us,
Grace to cleanse and pow'r to free:

Blessed Jesus, Blessed Jesus,
Early let us turn to Thee;
Blessed Jesus, Blessed Jesus,
Early let us turn to Thee.

Early let us seek They favor,
Early let us do Thy will;
Blessed Lord and only Savior,
With Thy love our bosoms fill:

Blessed Jesus, Blessed Jesus,
Thou hast loved us, love us still;
Blessed Jesus, Blessed Jesus,
Thou hast loved us, love us still.

(Savior, Like a Shepherd Lead Us - William Bradbury, 1816-1868)

The Man Will Not Rest

Lord, I am so confused. This matter continues to weigh so heavy on my heart. I am reminded of your call for humility in this. I admit, it is too easy for me to walk in pride. My self-pity rises up and takes charge before I even recognize it. Forgive me.

I am still dumbfounded. I am hurt. I am angry. I am anxious. I am unsteady. I come to you, begging you to show me how to act, think and feel. I cannot trust my own emotions or thinking. I need you to renew my mind, that I may receive these matters in a manner that reflects your strength and peace.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ruth 3:18 "Then said she, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"She had done all that was fit for her to do, and now she must patiently wait the issue and not be perplexed about it. Let us learn hence to cast our care upon providence, to follow that and attend the motions of it, composing ourselves into an expectation of the event, with a resolution to acquiesce in it, whatever it be. Sometimes that proves best done for us that is least our own doing. "Sit still, therefore, and see how the matter will fall, and say, Let it fall how it will, I am ready for it.’’ 2. She assured her that Boaz, having undertaken this matter, would approve himself a faithful careful friend: He will not be at rest till he have finished the matter. Though it was a busy time with him in his fields and his floor, yet, having undertaken to serve his friend, he would not neglect the business. Naomi believes that Ruth has won his heart, and that therefore he will not be easy till he knows whether she be his or no. This she gives as a reason why Ruth should sit still and not perplex herself about it, that Boaz had undertaken it, and he would be sure to manage it well. Much more reason have good Christians to be careful for nothing, but cast their care on God, because he has promised to care for them: and what need have we to care if he do? Sit still, and see how the matter will fall, for the Lord will perfect that which concerns thee, and will make it to work for good to thee, Ps. 37:4, 5; 138:8. Your strength is to sit still, Isa. 30:7." Matthew Henry

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Psalm 37:4 "Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass."

Lord, the only desire I have is to honor you in this. I desire to know you better, to lead others closer to you, to be found faithful, walking in Your strength when the matter is finished. I desire to speak, act and think in your peace regarding these things. I long to be free of any bitterness that threatens to take root.

Psalm 138:8 "The LORD will perfect that which concerneth me: thy mercy, O LORD, endureth for ever: forsake not the works of thine own hands."

Lord, your promise says you are at work in this. You are perfecting this imperfect matter. You are completing this unfinished busineess. Your mercy to me, an undeserving fool, continues to endure. I am the work of your hands, your own hands. Your promise is that you do not forsake me. Because of your great mercy, I am not forsaken.

Isaiah 30:7 "For the Egyptians shall help in vain, and to no purpose: therefore have I cried concerning this, Their strength is to sit still."

There is no other source of strength but you. You ARE at work in this. YOU are at work in this. I must sit still. As Ruth was counselled, so am I. "The man will not sit still until he hath finished the thing..."  Any and all work I would attempt to do would only distract my thinking, deter my peace, and put my self in the place of worship. Forbid my heart to do this, Lord!

Psalm 46:10-11 "Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah."

I will be still. I will remain quiet. I will rest in humility, know you are truly God and I am not. You are at work, not resting in this matter. I am your servant, waiting on you. By that, I am strong and by that YOU are exalted among the earth. You are with me, Lord. When this rest feels to heavy to bear, I will remember you are my refuge. You are my strong tower. I am safe in you.

Studying Quietness

Definition:
–adjective

-restrained in speech, manner, free from disturbance or tumult; tranquil; peaceful; being at rest; refraining  from activity; 
-making no disturbance or trouble; not turbulent; peaceable; 
-free from disturbing thoughts, emotions,
-said, expressed, done, etc., in a restrained or unobtrusive way: a quiet reproach; a quiet admonition.
-not showy or obtrusive; subdued
-Free of turmoil and agitation; untroubled. 
-Restful; soothing; Tranquil; serene
-Not showy or garish; subdued; Restrained in style; understated: a quiet strength; a quiet life.

Hebrew: shaw-kat'
Verb

Definition: to be quiet, be tranquil, be at peace, be quiet, rest, lie still, be undisturbed; to show quietness; to cause quietness, pacify, allay
King James Word Usage - Total: 41
rest 16, quiet 16, quietness 4, still 2, appeaseth 1, idleness 1, settled 1

Joshua 11:23, Joshua 14:15  "...the land rested from war."
Judges. Kings, Chronicles "...the land had rest" (from enemies)

Ruth 3:18 "Then said she, Sit still, my daughter, until thou know how the matter will fall: for the man will not be in rest, until he have finished the thing this day."

Job 34:29 "When he giveth quietness, who then can make trouble? and when he hideth his face, who then can behold him? whether it be done against a nation, or against a man only:"

Job 37:17 "How thy garments are warm, when he quieteth the earth by the south wind?" (brings warmth, comfort)

Proverbs 15:18 "A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife."
A wrathful man stirreth up strife:

"A man of a wrathful disposition, of a furious spirit, of an angry temper; that is under the power and dominion of such a passion, and indulges it, and takes all opportunities to gratify it; he stirs up strife and contention where there was none, or where it was laid; as a man stirs up coals of fire and raises a flame; see ( Proverbs 26:21 ) . He stirs up strife in families, sets one relation against another, and the house in an uproar; he stirs up contentions in neighbourhoods, and sets one friend and neighbour against another, whence proceed quarrels and lawsuits: he stirs up strife in churches, breaks brotherly love, and causes animosities and divisions; he stirs up strife in kingdoms and states, whence come wars and fightings, confusion, and every evil work;
but [he that is] slow to anger appeaseth strife:
a man of a quiet and peaceable disposition, possessed of the true grace of charity; who is not easily provoked, longsuffering, bears and endures all things; he allays the heat of anger; he quenches the coals of contention; he calms the storm and makes it quiet, as the word signifies; he
``mitigates strifes raised,''
as the Vulgate Latin version renders it; he composes differences, reconciles the parties at variance, and makes all hush and still; and so prevents the ill consequences of contention and strife." John Gill

"Meekness the great peace-maker: He that is slow to anger not only prevents strife, that it be not kindled, but appeases it if it be already kindled, brings water to the flame, unites those again that have fallen out, and by gentle methods brings them to mutual concessions for peace-sake."  Matthew Henry

Isaiah 7:4 "And say unto him, Take heed , and be quiet ; fear not, neither be fainthearted for the two tails of these smoking firebrands, for the fierce anger of Rezin with Syria, and of the son of Remaliah."

Isaiah 14:7 "The whole earth is at rest, and is quiet: they break forth into singing." (rest from captivity, persecution)

Isaiah 30:15 "For thus saith the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel; In returning and rest shall ye be saved; in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength: and ye would not."
-in returning to the truth of God's word, aligning my life to His standard; the people of Israel would not do this, I pray, Lord, you would cause me and strengthen me to do so.

Isaiah 32:17 "And the work of righteousness shall be peace; and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever."

Peace and quietness, v. 17 "The peace here promised is of two kinds:—[1.] Inward peace, v. 17. This follows upon the indwelling of righteousness, v. 16. Those in whom that work is wrought shall experience this blessed product of it. It is itself peace, and the effect of it is quietness and assurance for ever, that is, a holy serenity and security of mind, by which the soul enjoys itself and enjoys its God, and it is not in the power of this world to disturb it in those enjoyments. Note, Peace, and quietness, and everlasting assurance may be expected, and shall be found, in the way and work of righteousness. True satisfaction is to be had only in true religion, and there it is to be had without fail. Those are the quiet and peaceable lives that are spent in all godliness and honesty, 1 Tim. 2:2. First, Even the work of righteousness shall be peace. In the doing of our duty we shall find abundance of true pleasure, a present great reward of obedience in obedience. Though the work of righteousness may be toilsome and costly, and expose us to contempt, yet it is peace, such peace as is sufficient to bear our charges. Secondly, The effect of righteousness shall be quietness and assurance, not only to the end of time, of our time, and in the end, but to the endless ages of eternity. Real holiness is real happiness now and shall be perfect happiness, that is, perfect holiness, for ever." Matthew Henry

Greek: Hesuchios
Adjective
Definition: quiet, tranquil, peaceable

1 Timothy 2:2
For kings, and for all that are in authority; that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life in all godliness and honesty.

1 Peter 3:4
But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.

to be continued..................

Studying Meekness

Meek
 –adjective,

1. humbly patient or docile, as under provocation from others.
2. overly submissive or compliant; spiritless; tame.
3. Obsolete . gentle; kind.

Hebrew:
`anav
Definition

poor, humble, afflicted, needy, weak and afflicted,,humble, lowly, meek


Numbers 12:3 "(Now the man Moses was very meek , above all the men which were upon the face of the earth.)"
"When God’s honour was concerned, as in the case of the golden calf, no man more zealous than Moses; but, when his own honour was touched, no man more meek: as bold as a lion in the cause of God, but as mild as a lamb in his own cause. God’s people are the meek of the earth (Zep. 2:3), but some are more remarkable than others for this grace, as Moses, who was thus fitted for the work he was called to, which required all the meekness he had and sometimes more. And sometimes the unkindness of our friends is a greater trial of our meekness than the malice of our enemies. Christ himself records his own meekness (Mt. 11:29, I am meek and lowly in heart ), and the copy of meekness which Christ has set was without a blot, but that of Moses was not."  - Matthew Henry

Psalm 10:17 "LORD, thou hast heard the desire of the humble: thou wilt prepare their heart, thou wilt cause thine ear to hear :"

Psalm 22:26 "The meek shall eat and be satisfied : they shall praise the LORD that seek him: your heart shall live for ever."

Psalm 25:9 "The meek will he guide in judgment: and the meek will he teach his way."

Psalm 37:7-11 "Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass . 8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil . 9 For evildoers shall be cut off : but those that wait upon the LORD, they shall inherit the earth. 10 For yet a little while, and the wicked shall not be: yea, thou shalt diligently consider his place, and it shall not be. 11 But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace..."

Psalm 147:3-11 "He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. 4 He telleth the number of the stars; he calleth them all by their names. 5 Great is our Lord, and of great power: his understanding is infinite. 6 The LORD lifteth up the meek: he casteth the wicked down to the ground. 7 Sing unto the LORD with thanksgiving; sing praise upon the harp unto our God: 8 Who covereth the heaven with clouds, who prepareth rain for the earth, who maketh grass to grow upon the mountains. 9 He giveth to the beast his food, and to the young ravens which cry . 10 He delighteth not in the strength of the horse: he taketh not pleasure in the legs of a man. 11 The LORD taketh pleasure in them that fear him, in those that hope in his mercy."

Psalm 149:4 "For the LORD taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify the meek with salvation."
"He will beautify the meek, the humble, and lowly, and contrite in heart, that tremble at his word and submit to it, that are patient under their afflictions and show all meekness towards all men. These men vilify and asperse, but God will justify them, and wipe off their reproach; nay, he will beautify them; they shall appear not only clear, but comely, before all the world, with the comeliness that he puts upon them. He will beautify them with salvation, with temporal salvations (when God works remarkable deliverances for his people those that had been among the pots become as the wings of a dove covered with silver, Ps. 68:13), but especially with eternal salvation. The righteous shall be beautified in that day when they shine forth as the sun. In the hopes of this, let them now, in the darkest day, sing a new song."  - Matthew Henry

he will beautify the meek with salvation;

"humble and lowly souls, who have been truly humbled under a sense of sin; brought to submit to the righteousness of Christ, and to depend upon the grace of God for salvation; are subject to the yoke of Christ, and patiently submit to the will of God under every dispensation of Providence; are not easily provoked to wrath; are free from envy and malice; have mean thoughts of themselves, and high ones of other saints; these the Lord beautifies now with more grace, with which salvation is connected; with the robe of Christ's righteousness, and the garments of his salvation, which are beautiful ones; and he will beautify them with eternal salvation, with the white robes of immortality and bliss, when they will shine as the sun in the kingdom of heaven." - John Gill

Proverbs 3:34 "Surely he scorneth the scorners: but he giveth grace unto the lowly..."

Surely he scorneth the scorners

"That make a mock at sin, a jest of religion, that scoff at the doctrines of the Gospel and the professors of it; these the Lord looks upon, laughs at, and has them in derision. The Greek version and two apostles render it, "he resisteth the proud", ( 1 Peter 5:5 ) ( James 4:6 ) . Such who are haughty and arrogant, that exalt themselves and despise others; as those of a pharisaical spirit are and do, are abhorred and despised by the Lord; he sets himself against them, is their enemy, "and scatters [them] in the imagination of their hearts", ( Luke 1:51 )
but he giveth grace unto the lowly;

or humble souls; such who are made truly sensible of sin, and lie low in their own sight on account of it; who, sensible of the imperfection and insufficiency of their own righteousness, submit to the righteousness of Christ; ascribe their salvation, and all the blessings of it, to the free grace of God; own the deficiency of their duties, and disclaim all merit in them; think the worst of themselves, and the best of others; and humble themselves under the mighty hand of God, and are patient under every adverse dispensation of Providence; knowing what their deserts are, how undeserving of any favour, and how deserving of the divine displeasure. Now God first gives grace to these persons to make them thus humble and lowly which they are not naturally, and then he gives them more grace, according to his promise;"- John Gill

Proverbs 14:21 "He that despiseth his neighbour sinneth : but he that hath mercy on the poor, happy is he."
 - If I despise even the weaknesses or lack of maturity or character in my neighbor (children), I sin. I need to strive for mercy to those who are poor in these things...or humble...or brought low by these things. My goal for myself should be mercy. My goal in training to is bring about humility as well.

Proverbs 16:19 "Better it is to be of an humble spirit with the lowly, than to divide the spoil with the proud."
"Humility, though it should expose us to contempt in the world, yet while it recommends us to the favour of God, qualifies us for his gracious visits, prepares us for his glory, secures us from many temptations, and preserves the quiet and repose of our own souls, is much better than that high-spiritedness which, though it carry away the honour and wealth of the world, makes God a man’s enemy and the devil his master." -Matthew Henry

Isaiah 29:19 "The meek also shall increase their joy in the LORD, and the poor among men shall rejoice in the Holy One of Israel."

Zephaniah 2:3 "Seek ye the LORD, all ye meek of the earth, which have wrought his judgment; seek righteousness, seek meekness: it may be ye shall be hid in the day of the LORD'S anger."


Greek:
Praus
Definition: mildness of disposition, gentleness of spirit, meekness
Meekness toward God is that disposition of spirit in which we accept His dealings with us as good, and therefore without disputing or resisting. In the OT, the meek are those wholly relying on God rather than their own strength to defend them against injustice. Thus, meekness toward evil people means knowing God is permitting the injuries they inflict, that He is using them to purify His elect, and that He will deliver His elect in His time.

Matthew 5:5 "Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth."
Blessed are the meek:

"Who are not easily provoked to anger; who patiently bear, and put up with injuries and affronts; carry themselves courteously, and affably to all; have the meanest thoughts of themselves, and the best of others; do not envy the gifts and graces of other men; are willing to be instructed and admonished, by the meanest of the saints; quietly submit to the will of God, in adverse dispensations of providence; and ascribe all they have, and are, to the grace of God. Meekness, or humility, is very valuable and commendable." John Gill
Blessed are the meek.:
"The meek are those who quietly submit themselves to God, to his word and to his rod, who follow his directions, and comply with his designs, and are gentle towards all men (Tit. 3:2); who can bear provocation without being inflamed by it; are either silent, or return a soft answer; and who can show their displeasure when there is occasion for it, without being transported into any indecencies; who can be cool when others are hot; and in their patience keep possession of their own souls, when they can scarcely keep possession of any thing else. They are the meek, who are rarely and hardly provoked, but quickly and easily pacified; and who would rather forgive twenty injuries than revenge one, having the rule of their own spirits.These meek ones are here represented as happy, even in this world. 1. They are blessed, for they are like the blessed Jesus, in that wherein particularly they are to learn of him, ch. 11:29. They are like the blessed God himself, who is Lord of his anger, and in whom fury is not. They are blessed, for they have the most comfortable, undisturbed enjoyment of themselves, their friends, their God; they are fit for any relation, and condition, any company; fit to live, and fit to die." -Matthew Henry

Happy are the meek - "They that hold all their passions and affections evenly balanced."
They shall inherit the earth - They shall have all things really necessary for life and godliness.They shall enjoy whatever portion God hath given them here, and shall hereafter possess the new earth, wherein dwelleth righteousness." -John Wesley

1 Peter 3:4 "But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price."

"More especially, the finest ornament of Christian women is a meek and quiet spirit, a tractable easy temper of mind, void of passion, pride, and immoderate anger, discovering itself in a quiet obliging behaviour towards their husbands and families. If the husband (or child - *my thoughts*) be harsh, and averse to religion (which was the case of these good wives to whom the apostle gives this direction), there is no way so likely to win him as a prudent meek behaviour. At least, a quiet spirit will make a good woman easy to herself, which, being visible to others, becomes an amiable ornament to a person in the eyes of the world. Thirdly, The excellency of it. Meekness and calmness of spirit are, in the sight of God, of great price-amiable in the sight of men, and precious in the sight of God. Learn, 1. A true Christian’s chief care lies in the right ordering and commanding of his own spirit. Where the hypocrite’s work ends, there the true Christian’s work begins. 2. The endowments of the inner man are the chief ornaments of a Christian; but especially a composed, calm, and quiet spirit, renders either man or woman beautiful and lovely.

to be continued...

Scripture Prayers

"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed . The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." James 5:16

Nearly thirteen years ago my prayer life went through a dramatic transformation. While attending a women's study of the book, Becoming a Woman of Prayer, I was awakened to the power of praying scripture. It is incredibly humbling and thrilling to know you can confidently pray God's will into any situation by praying His own words.

Over the years I have experienced lasting growth in this area. I have become confident in my prayers and I have seen the Lord use prayer to change me. When I seek out a psalm in distress, when I pray a proverb over our children's lives, when I speak God's own words of protection over our family, I am broken and overwhelmed by the amazing power of His word. I realize that He desires these truths to be realized in our lives. His intentions for us are far reaching and always filled with love. I often see my own error and can rightly confess my sin. He uses my times of desparation and fear, when I would most fervently pray, to change my heart and aline me correctly with His truth.

This week is a week of prayer for me. As my heart is hurting, I find myself coming to the Lord again, begging for His comfort, protection and healing. He has graciously shown me, through His word, more powerful and effective words of prayer for our family. I am planning to keep a journaled list here of the scripture prayers that the Lord gives as we work through this time of growth.

Thank you, Lord. May I continue to be changed for your purposes.

--------------------------------------------
June 14, 2010
Ephesians 1:15-19
"For this reason I too, having heard of the faith in the Lord Jesus which exists among you and your love for all the saints, do not cease giving thanks for you, while making mention of you in my prayers; that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might..."
~~~~~~
June 15, 2010
Ephesians 3:14-21
"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith ; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen."
~~~~~~~~~
July 16, 2010
Philippians 1:2-11
"Grace be unto you, and peace, from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ. I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, Always in every prayer of mine for you all making request with joy, For your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now; Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ: Even as it is meet for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart; inasmuch as both in my bonds, and in the defence and confirmation of the gospel, ye all are partakers of my grace. For God is my record, how greatly I long after you all in the bowels of Jesus Christ. And this I pray, that your love may abound yet more and more in knowledge and in all judgment; That ye may approve things that are excellent; that ye may be sincere and without offence till the day of Christ; Being filled with the fruits of righteousness, which are by Jesus Christ, unto the glory and praise of God."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
August 13, 2010
Colossians 1:9-12
"For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, for all patience and longsuffering with joy; giving thanks to the Father who has qualified us to be partakers of the inheritance of the saints in the light."

Was it Just a Month Ago?

I've been taking this resting time after Baby's birth to reflect on how the Lord has been working in our lives. As I look through my journal, it is amazing to me that only a month has passed in this journey. So much of my thoughts, emotions and heart has been tied up in these lessons the Lord has been teaching me through this pregnancy and it's challenges. I'm afraid a huge part of me has retreated from the other areas of my life that needed attention. Yet, I could not find it in me to see beyond the trees of this forest I was in.  I confess, that the issues we dealt with seem miniscule compared to many challenges we could have faced.  Yet, in the midst of my fears, the Lord was patient and kind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Journal entry:
March 16, 2010
Today is my 3 hour glucose test. I am so relieved, and yet anxious at the same time. Father, I have not been walking in faith through this. I have been carrying fear, anxiety, confusion, frustration - so many stressful emotions. So many thoughts and actions that have drawn me away from you. How much have I even prayed about this? I say I just want answers - to know what to do - yet, I haven't truly asked You. I am looking for human wisdom for something that has no clear answer. These tests, these issues - even the medical community disagrees. Lord, You are creating this child. You know exactly what this baby needs to grow. You know where we need to be to keep Baby healthy and safe.

You also know our fears. You know the obstacles we face in having a hospital birth. You know our financial needs. You know how impossible that path looks to us.  These words have brought me back to my senses.

"But the Lord is faithful, who shall stablish you and keep you from evil." 1 Thes. 3:3

How I need these words of comfort and hope. Truly, my mind sees the hospital and it's methods as "evil". I fear their judgement on me. I fear their intrusions and being forced into decisions and treatments. I fear the division that it all can cause between David and myself. Please, stablish me. You are faithful. I have not been faithful here. I have not turned to You. I've asked others to pray, yet I have not.

"So that we ourselves glory in you in the churches of God for your patience and faith in all your persecutions and tribulations that ye endure." 1 Thes. 1:4

I have not been patient. I have not had faith. I have given up even wanting to endure. Forgive me, Lord! Forgive me for pursuing man's wisdom and knowledge above Your own. Forgive me for giving up on Your faithfulness to me. You have not left me. You have not given up on me. You will not. You will stablish me and keep me from evil. Help me walk with you and receive your work in my life today.

Stablish (sterizo) - to make stable, place firmly, set fast, fix to strengthen, make firm, to render constant, comfirm one's mind. Strengthen, steadfastly set.

Your promise is to make me stable, place me firmly in the right way. To strengthen me, to confirm my mind. You will give me the confidence to follow You.

Keep (phullasso) - to guard; to watch; guard to keep me safe lest I suffer violence, be despoiled; to protect; to keep from being snatchd away, preserve safe and unimpaired; to guard from being lost or perishing.

From - Separation

Evil (poneros) - full of labors, annoyances, hardships; pressed and harrassed by labors; bringing toils, annoyances, perils: of a time full of peril to christian faith and steadfastness; causing pain and trouble; in a physical sense: diseased or blind; in an ethical sense: evil, wicked, bad.

You will make me stable and firm by your protection over me. Through this, You will separate me from the annoyances, toils, labors, hardships, blindness and disease around me. I will and am in the midst of these evils, yet You keep me separate from it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
That day I failed the test. Yet, I gained new hope and confidence in the Lord's purpose and promise to carry me through and accomplish His plan.

Glorify Thy Name!

"I will praise thee, O Lord, among the people:
I will sing unto thee among the nations. 

 For thy mercy is great unto the heavens,
and thy truth unto the clouds.

 Be thou exalted , O God, above the heavens:
let thy glory be above all the earth. "

Psalm 57:9-11

Matthew Henry writes:
"God’s mercy and truth reach to the heavens, for they will bring all such to heaven as lay up their treasure in them and build their hopes upon them. God’s mercy and truth are praised even to the heavens, that is, by all the bright and blessed inhabitants of the upper world, who are continually exalting God’s praises to the highest, while David, on earth, is endeavouring to spread his praises to the furthest, v. 9.V.

How he leaves it at last to God to glorify his own name (v. 11): Be thou exalted, O God! The same words which he had used (v. 5) to sum up his prayers in he here uses again (and no vain repetition) to sum up his praises in: "Lord, I desire to exalt thy name, and that all the creatures may exalt it; but what can the best of us do towards it? Lord, take the work into thy own hands; do it thyself: Be thou exalted, O God!"

Amen!