Truth For Lies Chapter 3 Part 1

Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe by Todd Wilson

Chapter 3 - Part 1

February 3, 2012

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” James 5:16

How do we rightly deal with the lies we believe?

“I hesitate to use the words ‘things you can do...’ because none of the ideas we are going to talk about have to do with ‘more doing.’
“All the things you can do take place in your head and heart. It’s about what you believe about yourself, God, your children, and others.
“...think and do things that will feel uncomfortable and will go against your natural tendencies...and that’s good, because your natural tendencies are to believe THE LIES.” p. 52

1. Be Real

“We Christian homeschoolers don’t like to be REAL. In fact, we are encouraged not to be real or are criticized when we are. So we do the only reasonable thing we can do--hide. Actually, we’ve been hiders since the very beginning of time.” p. 53

Genesis 2-4 Adam and Eve:
1. “They were naked and not ashamed...” Gen 2:25
2. Something happened to change all of that: They sinned.
3. What was the first thing they did after they sinned? They hid. Gen. 3:6-11
4. Why did they do that? “I would say that the root of their fear was this: ‘If God knows what we are really like, maybe He won’t like us anymore.” p. 53-54

But... “God knew what they were really like before they ate the fruit and after they ate the fruit, and He loved them just the same.”

Romans 5:6-10

Yet, we continue to struggle...
“Ever since that day, people have been hiding for the very same reason. If God and others know what I am really like, maybe they won’t like me anymore.
“Homeschooling moms look at them (images of perfect homeschooling families) and then look at their own families and think, I can’t let them see the real us. They’d be shocked because all good homeschooling families look like them...we’re the only dysfunctional homeschooling family on the planet.” p. 54-55

So we hide...
“...until we have a whole homeschooling population of hiders wearing masks of deception like actors on a stage.” p. 55

The Bi-Product of Hiding:
“It’s the terrible realization that you have to keep playing the game, which leaves you feeling alone and isolated, wishing so bad that someone would find you out but at the same time being scared to death that someone will.
“You feel like you can’t go on pretending to have it all together another minute, but you’re so also so afraid to stop playing the game.” p. 56

The Bi-Product of Being REAL:
“...freedom and healing.
“One of the greatest benefits of being REAL is people can pray for you and healing takes place.”
“No one prays because no one knows what to pray for...because most homeschooling moms are not REAL.” p. 57-58

James 5:16 - “The promise along with confessing is healing!!!”
Gal. 5:1
John 8:31-36

2. Be a REAL Listener
“Not only do you need to BE REAL, you also need to ALLOW OTHERS to BE REAL with you.” p. 58
“That kind of understanding opens the doorway to freedom, sharing, and deeper relationships. p. 59“
“Did you know that if you are a capable and diligent home educator, YOU could be a source of discouragement to others and at the same time cause others NOT to be REAL? You may share your ideas and gifts, thinking you are offering help but it only serves to reinforce the lie that someone else might believe.” p. 59-60

So, how then, can we help?
Don’t:
> feel the need to jump in and offer solutions
> judge others’ homeschooling methods or styles
> allow yourself to smugly think more of yourself and your choices

Do:
> empathize with others
> share some of the struggles you’ve faced in your homeschooling journey
> offer to pray for a friend and her homeschool
> ask her to pray for yours

1 Peter 4:8
Gal. 6:1-4
Rom. 12:9-16; 14:13; 15:1-7;
Eph. 4:14-16; 25; 32
Phil. 2:1-4
*Col. 3:13-17
Heb. 10:24-25

Discussion:
Who is the REALEST person you know?
What makes them so REAL?
Discuss the difference between being REAL and condoning sin.
In what area is it the hardest for you to be REAL?
Why do you think that is?
What do you normally ‘hide’ behind?
Do you think others feel like they can be REAL with you? Why or Why not?
How can someone pray for you in the are of REALness?

Be Like Christ

Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus EVERY KNEE WILL BOW, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.  So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.  Do all things without grumbling or disputing; o that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world,  holding fast the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I will have reason to glory because I did not run in vain nor toil in vain. But even if I am being poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I rejoice and share my joy with you all. You too, I urge you, rejoice in the same way and share your joy with me.  

Philippians 2:1-18

I believe I could ready this every hour and never tire of the counsel, conviction, and courage it gives me. My heart is aching today and Your word has brought healing.  May I keep it before me continually.

Mirror~Mirror

"Only conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or remain absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel."  Philippians 1:27

Journal:
It's amazing to me how parenting becomes a mirror. When I see a weakness or fault in my child, I am quick to address it - and also see the same weakness in myself.  Sometimes I address the issue incorrectly ~ seeing my sin in full force.

Then there are times when I read your words of truth and instruction and I think of how much it applies to my children, how I long for them to HEAR and ACCEPT and LIVE BY this truth.  That's when teh mirror comes out again. It is easy for me to give a challenge to those around me.  It's completely humbling to admit it is meant for me first.  I read recently in my pregnancy journal, "Goodness can be considered moral excellence, and if this is something you want to pass on to your children, you must possess it first." 

There's the Mirror.

I admit that when I first read the verse above, I wanted to jump up and grab an index card so it could be posted for all to read. Especially during those times when Mom isn't present.  Thankfully, the Holy Spirit quickly stepped in to shine His mirror my way and ask, "and would Jesus find you living in a worthy manner should He come back today?" 

It is impossible to walk this journey of motherhood without being imitated or without the mirror. That is one reason it is a blessing.  I am forced to SEE my sin and shortcomings as I observe them in those around me. And then, I am forced to rightly deal with them. 

It is my duty to raise my children to know of the Lord and to guide them in His ways.  First, by my actions, prayers, then words.  Lord, when I read something you have given and see how much they NEED to hear and know it...let me joyfully receive it as well as you mirror your love for them back on me.

Truth for Lies ~ Part 3

Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe by Todd Wilson

Chapter 2 - Part 2

January 5, 2012

“For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, and we are ready to punish all disobedience, whenever your obedience is complete. You are looking at things as they are outwardly. If anyone is confident in himself that he is Christ's, let him consider this again within himself, that just as he is Christ's, so also are we.” 2 Corinthians 10:3-7

Lie #5 Everyone’s Marriage Is Better Than Yours.
When you see another couple showing affection or interacting in a healthy way, you assume that is the whole story of their life. When you are interacting with your husband in the same way, you do not value that moment because you are aware and (often too much) focus on the faults and failures you know are present in your married life. p.40

“When you believe it (this lie), it causes you to look around at all your friends and naively think, they really love each other and have no idea what our marriage is like.” p. 41

“I am convinced that others look at your marriage and think the very same thing about yours that you think about theirs. It’s the LIE, and you all believe it.

“...guys just don’t believe that lie...except...maybe the lie that their marriage is better than it really is.” p. 42

Truth #5 “...all marriages stink from time to time. That’s what happens when you put two people together. They argue, see things differently, say cutting comments, or give the silent treatment sometimes. That’s not just some marriages; that’s ALL marriages.”

See Colossians 3: 5-21; 1 Peter 3:1-9-12; Ephesians 5:22-33
All throughout the new testament we are taught and commanded to love with a love not our own. We are constantly being challenged to move out of our comfort zones, love those who are unlovely, and forgive, forgive, forgive. We are being exhorted in the passages above specifically regarding our married life. We are told to pursue and work out our struggles and lay down our lives for one another. The concept of loving each other and submitting to one another was markedly different to the Christian in that day than the worldly marriages around them. The same is true for us today. If marriage was easy and didn’t take effort or create the struggles that we daily face, then we wouldn’t need these admonishments. As it is, we are daily called to reflect Christ to one another, and every married couple with need the strength of the Lord to do that.

“To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.” 1 Peter 3:8-9

We ALL need these words because we ALL stumble to fulfill them.


Lie #6 Everyone Else Can Do It All.
“So why do you moms insist on believing that you should be able to do it all? I’ll tell you why. Because you believe the LIE that everyone else can.

“You’re an emotional wreck and find yourself saying to your kids, your husband, and yourself, ‘I can’t do it all.’ But inside, you still believe every other homeschooling mom can.” p.43

Truth #6 There is not a homeschool mom alive who can do it all well. No one can teach their kids all they need to know for the rest of their lives, keep a meticulously clean house, fix gourmet, healthy meals, meet all the needs of their husband, have a super model body, and be a spiritual giant. It just isn’t possible.

“There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven - I have seen the task which God has given the sons of men with which to occupy themselves. He has made everything appropriate in its time. I know that everything God does will remain forever; there is nothing to add to it and there is nothing to take from it, for God has so worked that men should fear Him.” Ecclesiastes 3:1, 10, 11, 14

“He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season and its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so, But they are like chaff which the wind drives away.” Psalm 1:3-4

"I will make them and the places around My hill a blessing. And I will cause showers to come down in their season; they will be showers of blessing. Also the tree of the field will yield its fruit and the earth will yield its increase, and they will be secure on their land. Then they will know that I am the LORD, when I have broken the bars of their yoke and have delivered them from the hand of those who enslaved them.” Ezekiel 34:26-27

Lie #7 Every Other Mom Loves Homeschooling Her Kids
“Some enjoy parts of homeschooling but some hate every part of homeschooling except the results. The things that are the easiest are usually not very good for you, but those things that take blood, sweat, and tears are worth everything. Homeschooling must be really, really good because it’s really, really hard.”
p. 44-45

Truth #7 No one homeschools because it is easy. Most do it because they think it is the best.

What is our true purpose for home education? If it is best for us it is because it causes us to gain more of Christ by sharing in his struggles and sufferings as we strive to persevere. Let us not focus on what we were doing, could be doing, or enjoy doing more. Let us press on toward the goal and what Christ has waiting for us ahead.

“But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ,...but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:7-8, 13-14


Lie #8 Everyone Else Is More Capable Than You.
Many feel defeated because they believe that others are more “qualified” to teach their children. They fear their children are being cheated in some way.

“...teaching your own children is nothing like teaching someone else’s children.” p.46

Truth #8 You are God’s ‘Plan A’ for your children

"You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.” Deuteronomy 6:5-7

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10

Lie #9 You Are The Only One Who Is Falling Apart And Feels The Way You Feel.
You might agree with all the other things we’ve talked about so far, but you’re still convinced that you’re the only one who is as bad as you. And sometimes being with a group of homeschooling moms heightens your feeling of failure. p. 47

If we believe this lie, we will isolate ourselves from the very truth and people meant to share these truths with us. We will continue to live a life of defeat.

Truth #9 We ALL struggle and need one another to gain victory.

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.” James 5:16, 19

“As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.” Ephesians 4:14-16

Summary: “If lies like these (and others) go unchecked and unchallenged, I guarantee the joy will be sucked right out of your home, your marriage, and your life. You will wake up every day dreading homeschooling and hoping that something will change to stop the nightmare.” p. 48

Discussion:
Of the lies in this section, which do you identify with most?
Why do you think this lie is the one that most affects you?
Is there anything that you do, or we do, as a group, that contributes to the lying pattern?
How can we “fine tune” our group so that we don’t contribute to this problem?

Looking Back, Looking Ahead...2012

I took some time tonight to look over my New Year's Day post from 2011.  I loved reading my varying thoughts from the previous year. I also cringed a bit to see most of those resolutions left undone.

I'd like to go with the same format for the year 2012. Most of those resolutions will have to stay on the list. *sigh*

In the Year 2011...

I Rejoiced...
> when my husband was able to find work as a part time staff accountant during the tax season and into the rest of the year.
> when my husband passed the first part of the CPA exam on the first try...and the second part...and the third part!!! 
> when my children scored at average and above average on their standardized tests
> when I saw those two precious pink lines in September
> when the Lord provided the funds to carry us through yet another season of no work or paychecks for several months
> the unexpected financial gift allowing us to purchase a new washer and dryer
> when my daughter began a new friendship
> when my boys began new friendships
> when I watched my children delight in making and giving gifts for their siblings
> a road trip to see family after 6 years being away
> when my sweet Susannah learned to write her own name
> when my mom came for a week long visit, we had such a wonderful time!
> in finding a new home church family, including new friends
> when my husband was offered a new full-time position as staff accountant with a reputable CPA firm

I Grieved...
> the death of my Great-Granda Dolly
> the death of my young cousin, Lucas
> the pain and agony in my dear Aunt Tina's life as she said good-bye to her son
> the too short time I had to spend with our family as we rushed through our trip
> watching my weight go back up to what it was after all of my hard work last year
> saying good-bye to my homebirth midwives to plan for a hospital birth for this new little one
> when our dear friends received a diagnosis of type 1 diabetes for their son
> when my good friend said good-bye to her unborn baby

I Learned...
> trusting the Lord in ALL things isn't always as scary as I thought
> using the scriptures is always the best tool for training and mending hearts
> textbooks aren't evil and can be a tremendous blessing
> it's way too easy to get lazy and stay lazy
> that the Lord had a much different plan for us than I expected
> that my family can take pretty good care of me when I need it most
> morning sickness is always rough, but doesn't always mean that life has to stand still

I Pray...
> that I would grow in my prayer life
> that I would grow closer to my children, especially my oldest 3
> that I would be strong and full of joy in the coming challenges surrounding David's new employment
> that I would faithfully serve in the ministry positions I am committed to (Hearts for Home and CheNH convention committee)
> that I would continue to work hard to keep myself and baby safe in this pregnancy
> that the Lord would encourage and equip me for a safe and joyful labor and birth
> that my prenatal care would be a blessing to all involved
> that we would see God move mightily in our finances and our hearts, particularily in regards to the sale or payoff of our house
> that our children would develop a love and devotion to the Word of God
> that I would be wise and cautious with our finances in the coming year
> that David will pass the final part of the CPA exam in February, complete the needed hours and recieve his CPA this year!

I Resolve...
> to complete my 100 miles by February and another 100 by Baby's Birthday
> to increase my physical activity daily using pilates, ttap, or squats in preparation for a strong and healthy labor
> to send personal notes weekly
> to establish a weekly “date” with my children
> complete a Major House Purge before the end of May
> to pray for and reach out to the ladies in our homeschool group weekly
> to be more involved and diligent in my kitchen duties
> to be cheerful and encouraging during our first *real* tax season in 11 years
> to pray with my littles each morning and evening
> to spend time with my children in God's word daily (breakfast and lunch)

Set Apart As Useful

The Christmas morning message from the pulpit came from our study in Hebrews.

"By this will we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all." Hebrews 10:10

In this message, I am challenged to see the amazing work Christ has done to redeem me from a state of uselessnes (corruption) to a place of usefulness for His glory. 

Journal Entry: December 26, 2011

"As the door turns on its hinges, so does the sluggard on his bed." Proverbs 26:14

I confess, this has been me. Useless - just swaying aimlessly on my hinge. Yes, I have been tired and often don't feel well. Yet, You have work for me to do. You have made me useful by Your work on the cross - Your incredible gift of salvation and sanctification have redeemed me from my useless state.  You have renewed me by the abundant measure o fyour grace so that I am now sanctified - set apart for Your good works. 

Though inwardly- when I focus on myself - I am wasting away - You have a greater call for me. Lord, help me "be strong in the Lord, and in the strength of His might." Ephesians 6:10

This is the strength I need and the strength I need to give.

Note: I will post the link to the sermon when it is posted on our church website.

Truth for Lies - part 2

Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe

Chapter 2

December 1, 2011

“Be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” 1 Peter 5:8

Contrast with:

"For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.” 2 Chronicles 16:9

Lie # 1 “Everyone else’s kids are better than yours.”

We actually believe that our children will be better or more pleasing to God and others if they play an instrument or dress a certain way, (read certain books, do certain activities, etc.) p.30

...if you’re making (your children) do those things because you think that it will make you a better mom, stop it! You’ve bought into the LIE. p. 31

Truth #1 “Every family struggles. Every family has weaknesses. We all need the Lord.”

“Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace. James 3:13-18

The choices we make for our family, if they are made with wisdom, will produce the fruit listed above.


Lie #2 “Everyone’s house is cleaner than yours.”

...you must be a terrible mom to let your house get out of control and messy.

What is the burden we place on our family to appease the lie?

If you feel burdened to clean to perform for others, stop it.

Truth #2 “Every woman struggles (or works hard) to keep her house clean. The Law of Entropy...everything moves towards disorder. The way God made it.”

The example of Martha

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. ‘For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.’ “ Matthew 11:28-30

Lie #3 “Everyone fixes meals better than you.”

“They try changing their lifestyle and eating habits, but someone else is always out there to tell them they should be doing more. They go to bed feeling guilty, sure that they have failed their children, husband, and God. They believe the LIE.

If healthy, bread-making cooking isn’t your bent or makes your life more stressful, stop it. p. 35

Truth #3 “How you eat is not a trait of spirituality or a measure of godliness. You’re a busy homeschooling mom and you can’t do it all.” (discuss those who have to make food a priority versus those who choose it)

Romans 14:17ff
For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men. Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of food. All food is clean, but it is wrong for a man to eat anything that causes someone else to stumble.”

Lie #4 “Everyone is more disciplined than you and more spiritual.”

“You’re just positive that every other homeschool mom gets up early to have her quiet time with God, fixes her family a hot, healthy breakfast, and then basks in the joy of homeschooling, singing and laughing all the day long. (continue reading p. 37)

Truth #4 “Every woman struggles as you do sometimes. Even the woman who wrote the article. She may even feel worse knowing she wrote about something she herself struggles with.”

“For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.” Romans 7:18-19

You are looking at things as they are outwardly . If anyone is confident in himself that he is Christ's, let him consider this again within himself, that just as he is Christ's, so also are we. But HE WHO BOASTS IS TO BOAST IN THE LORD. For it is not he who commends himself that is approved, but he whom the Lord commends.” 2 Corinthians 10:7, 17-18

“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.” Isaiah 40:11

Discussion questions (from pages 38-39)

Mark which lies you most identify with.

Why do you think women in particular are prone to comparing their kids, their houses, and their spirituality against each other?

Do you usually feel encouraged or discouraged after reading a homeschool magazine or book? What does that mean?

Are you guilty of trying to portray that you have it all together? If yes, how can you stop doing this?

Prayer requests:

Our committment:
“But you did not learn Christ in this way, if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught in Him, just as truth is in Jesus, that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and tha tyou be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth. Therefore, laying aside falsehood, SPEAK TRUTH EACH ONE of you WITH HIS NEIGHBOR, for we are members of one another. “ Ephesians 4:20-25

What opportunties has the Lord given you this past month to live out this command?