James

"13Who among you is wise and understanding ? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. 15This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. 18 And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace."  James 3:13-18

Matthew Henry-
 And then, lastly, true wisdom will go on to sow the fruits of righteousness in peace, and thus, if it may be, to make peace in the world, v. 18. And that which is sown in peace will produce a harvest of joys. Let others reap the fruits of contentions, and all the advantages they can propose to themselves by them; but let us go on peaceably to sow the seeds of righteousness, and we may depend upon it our labour will not be lost. For light is sown for the righteous, and gladness for the upright in heart; and the work of righteousness shall be peace, and the effect of righteousness quietness and assurance for ever.

Truth for Lies Part 5

Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe

 Chapter 3 pt. 2 and Chapter 4

By Todd Wilson

Find a Real Partner

But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called, “Today,” so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. Hebrews 3:13

...and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more, as you see the day drawing near. Hebrews 10:24-25

“Every homeschooling mom needs to have a like-minded friend to help protect her against the lies of the enemy. By like-minded, I mean someone who homeschools for the same reasons.” p. 66
“If you don’t have a like-minded friend, then non like-minded relationships will reinforce the lies that you tend to believe. You will always be questioning your goals and methods.
“...if you have a friendship with a homeschooling mom who homeschools for the same reasons you do, you’ll be able to be with other non like-minded friends and stand tall.” pg. 67
“Once you have a like-minded friend make it your priority to be an encourager.” p. 69
“Your homeschooling friend is staring down 180 days of daily exhaustion, surrounded by pint-sized humans who need to go to the bathroom every 15 minutes, ask for a snack three times an hour, can’t remember what they learned the day before, and then throw-up in the middle of the floor.

Lies creep in and the enemy will win EXCEPT...

“Standing on the sidelines is a friend who through a note, a phone call, or over egg salad sandwiches reminds her desperate homeschooling friend, ‘YOU CAN DO IT!! Don’t believe the lies...YOU CAN DO IT!!!” p. 70

Questions to Discuss with Real Partner at first meeting:
1. Share why you started homeschooling.
2. Describe your method of homeschooling. (i.e., textbook, Charlotte Mason, unschooling, etc.)
3. What are some of your goals in homeschooling?
4. What has been your biggest joy and struggle in homeschooling?
5. Share the area in which it’s most difficult for you to be REAL (you don’t have to share all the dirt in this area on your first meeting).
6. How do you and your children get along?
7. What is your husband’s involvement with homeschooling?
8. What is the hardest part of a typical day of homeschooling for you?
9. What area would you like the most accountability?
10. Share one or two specific prayer requests that would help your homeschool and home) go smoother this week.

Chapter 4 Believe the Whole Truth and Nothing But the Truth

“The great thing about TRUTH is that it’s always TRUE. It doesn’t change over time, smear when it gets wet, or stretch when it’s pulled. It’s constant, unchanging, inflexible, and ageless.
You can boldly state, ‘If it’s true, then it’s true no matter how the circumstances change or fluctuate.’ The TRUTH serves as an anchor when homeschooling storms assault you.” p. 77
TRUTH # 1 You Are Not Alone
“...we have a whole population of godly wives and homeschooling moms who smile and laugh on the outside, but inside they’re walking around under the heavy burden of loneliness and isolation caused by a cunningly told lie.
“...say it to yourself right now...I am not alone. All the feelings of inadequacy, isolation, and failure I feel, other moms feel as well. They may hide it, but there are days when they feel like tossing in the towel, loading up their kids on the school bus, and joining the circus just like I do.” p. 79
See Romans 7: 15-25

TRUTH #2 God Gave Your Children Exactly the Mother They Needed

“If God wanted someone better than you to be your children’s mother, He would have done that. If you want someone smarter to teach your children, you can find someone. There is always someone smarter than you. BUT if you want someone better to teach your children, you will find no one.” p. 81
“One sure-fire way to fan the flames of the lie that says, ‘You’re not doing a good job,’ is to compare your weaknesses to another mom’s strengths. You set yourself up for a world of disappointment. Instead, be confident that God knew what He was doing when he made you and that your weaknesses and strengths are exactly the ones He wanted you to have.

Psalm 139:13-18; 2 Cor. 12:9-10

TRUTH #3 Your Children Will Become Exactly What God Created Them To Be.

“The seed of the man is in the child.” Marcia Washburn

“Think of your children as seeds. They will grow up and mature to be exactly what God wants them to be. If your son was created to be an engineer, he will become and engineer. If your daughter was created to be an organizer, she will grow up to be that.
“Your children will become exactly what God has created them to be, NOT because of your efforts, but IN SPITE of your efforts.
“This truth is so important to get because although you may be frustrating yourself...you’re probably also frustrating your see. Your seed may not verbalize this, but inside they begin to think, ‘Mom would like me better if I was more like a sunflower.” p. 88-89
“You are not responsible to make your child something they are not. You are only responsible to give them the tools to do what they were created to do, sharpening where you can, loving them unconditionally, and leaving a godly (REAL) example for them to follow.” p. 90

(see Psalm 78 for a great study on the role and affect of parents upon later generations)

Prayer:
“Dear God,
Please help me to love my children today...not for what they might become tomorrow or in the future. Help me to like them even if they never master a certain skill that I want them to master. Let me love them unconditionally, never withholding my love or approval from them based on their performance. Let me see the good in them and make me blind to their shortcomings. Forgive me because I know that I have been forgiven so much and yet I hold my children’s failures against them. Amen. “ p. 91


TRUTH #4 You Can’t Do It All

“Don’t set unrealistic expectations for your, your children, and those around you. Since you can’t realistically do it all, you need to determine what you can do and then be secure in that.
“Sit down with your husband to determine what’s important and what isn’t. Work on the important stuff and let the unimportant get squeezed out.”

Make lists of Essentials and Non-Essentials (see p. 96-97)

“I am NOT saying that...non-essentials are bad or that you shouldn’t include them in your home. I am saying that in a world of limited time, you have to pick and choose what you can and cannot do.” p. 98

*Different seasons produce different needs and priorities.

TRUTH #5 Those Perfect Homeschooling Families Are Not Real

“Believing the lie that their family is perfect or better than yours will cause you to go bonkers. It will rot your heart from the inside out and cause you to do things that will damage your relationship with your husband and your children.” p. 106

Gal. 5:5-7

TRUTH #6 You’re Doing a Great Job!
Read p. 106
1 Cor 9:23-27

Part 5: Outside Influences
List on p. 111
“Whatever it is that reinforces the lies, cut it out. Take no prisoners. No mercy. You can do it. And when you do, you will re-experience the joy of homeschooling and of being a mom and a wife. That’s what lie-busting truth leaves in its wake -- joy, freedom, and happiness.” p.113

Assignment this month:
1. Meet with your husband to discuss any issues the Lord has been working on in your heart during this study. Ask him for insights on how you can be more Real and in what ways you need to allow Truth to guide you.

2. Find a Real Partner by next month’s meeting. Try to meet /talk at least once (use the list provided in the notes if it’s helpful).

3. Begin praying for yourself, your children, your home, and your Real partner on a daily basis.

Prayer Requests:

Truth For Lies Chapter 3 Part 1

Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe by Todd Wilson

Chapter 3 - Part 1

February 3, 2012

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” James 5:16

How do we rightly deal with the lies we believe?

“I hesitate to use the words ‘things you can do...’ because none of the ideas we are going to talk about have to do with ‘more doing.’
“All the things you can do take place in your head and heart. It’s about what you believe about yourself, God, your children, and others.
“...think and do things that will feel uncomfortable and will go against your natural tendencies...and that’s good, because your natural tendencies are to believe THE LIES.” p. 52

1. Be Real

“We Christian homeschoolers don’t like to be REAL. In fact, we are encouraged not to be real or are criticized when we are. So we do the only reasonable thing we can do--hide. Actually, we’ve been hiders since the very beginning of time.” p. 53

Genesis 2-4 Adam and Eve:
1. “They were naked and not ashamed...” Gen 2:25
2. Something happened to change all of that: They sinned.
3. What was the first thing they did after they sinned? They hid. Gen. 3:6-11
4. Why did they do that? “I would say that the root of their fear was this: ‘If God knows what we are really like, maybe He won’t like us anymore.” p. 53-54

But... “God knew what they were really like before they ate the fruit and after they ate the fruit, and He loved them just the same.”

Romans 5:6-10

Yet, we continue to struggle...
“Ever since that day, people have been hiding for the very same reason. If God and others know what I am really like, maybe they won’t like me anymore.
“Homeschooling moms look at them (images of perfect homeschooling families) and then look at their own families and think, I can’t let them see the real us. They’d be shocked because all good homeschooling families look like them...we’re the only dysfunctional homeschooling family on the planet.” p. 54-55

So we hide...
“...until we have a whole homeschooling population of hiders wearing masks of deception like actors on a stage.” p. 55

The Bi-Product of Hiding:
“It’s the terrible realization that you have to keep playing the game, which leaves you feeling alone and isolated, wishing so bad that someone would find you out but at the same time being scared to death that someone will.
“You feel like you can’t go on pretending to have it all together another minute, but you’re so also so afraid to stop playing the game.” p. 56

The Bi-Product of Being REAL:
“...freedom and healing.
“One of the greatest benefits of being REAL is people can pray for you and healing takes place.”
“No one prays because no one knows what to pray for...because most homeschooling moms are not REAL.” p. 57-58

James 5:16 - “The promise along with confessing is healing!!!”
Gal. 5:1
John 8:31-36

2. Be a REAL Listener
“Not only do you need to BE REAL, you also need to ALLOW OTHERS to BE REAL with you.” p. 58
“That kind of understanding opens the doorway to freedom, sharing, and deeper relationships. p. 59“
“Did you know that if you are a capable and diligent home educator, YOU could be a source of discouragement to others and at the same time cause others NOT to be REAL? You may share your ideas and gifts, thinking you are offering help but it only serves to reinforce the lie that someone else might believe.” p. 59-60

So, how then, can we help?
Don’t:
> feel the need to jump in and offer solutions
> judge others’ homeschooling methods or styles
> allow yourself to smugly think more of yourself and your choices

Do:
> empathize with others
> share some of the struggles you’ve faced in your homeschooling journey
> offer to pray for a friend and her homeschool
> ask her to pray for yours

1 Peter 4:8
Gal. 6:1-4
Rom. 12:9-16; 14:13; 15:1-7;
Eph. 4:14-16; 25; 32
Phil. 2:1-4
*Col. 3:13-17
Heb. 10:24-25

Discussion:
Who is the REALEST person you know?
What makes them so REAL?
Discuss the difference between being REAL and condoning sin.
In what area is it the hardest for you to be REAL?
Why do you think that is?
What do you normally ‘hide’ behind?
Do you think others feel like they can be REAL with you? Why or Why not?
How can someone pray for you in the are of REALness?

Be Like Christ

Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus EVERY KNEE WILL BOW, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.  So then, my beloved, just as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your salvation with fear and trembling; for it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.  Do all things without grumbling or disputing; o that you will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world,  holding fast the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I will have reason to glory because I did not run in vain nor toil in vain. But even if I am being poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I rejoice and share my joy with you all. You too, I urge you, rejoice in the same way and share your joy with me.  

Philippians 2:1-18

I believe I could ready this every hour and never tire of the counsel, conviction, and courage it gives me. My heart is aching today and Your word has brought healing.  May I keep it before me continually.

Mirror~Mirror

"Only conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or remain absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel."  Philippians 1:27

Journal:
It's amazing to me how parenting becomes a mirror. When I see a weakness or fault in my child, I am quick to address it - and also see the same weakness in myself.  Sometimes I address the issue incorrectly ~ seeing my sin in full force.

Then there are times when I read your words of truth and instruction and I think of how much it applies to my children, how I long for them to HEAR and ACCEPT and LIVE BY this truth.  That's when teh mirror comes out again. It is easy for me to give a challenge to those around me.  It's completely humbling to admit it is meant for me first.  I read recently in my pregnancy journal, "Goodness can be considered moral excellence, and if this is something you want to pass on to your children, you must possess it first." 

There's the Mirror.

I admit that when I first read the verse above, I wanted to jump up and grab an index card so it could be posted for all to read. Especially during those times when Mom isn't present.  Thankfully, the Holy Spirit quickly stepped in to shine His mirror my way and ask, "and would Jesus find you living in a worthy manner should He come back today?" 

It is impossible to walk this journey of motherhood without being imitated or without the mirror. That is one reason it is a blessing.  I am forced to SEE my sin and shortcomings as I observe them in those around me. And then, I am forced to rightly deal with them. 

It is my duty to raise my children to know of the Lord and to guide them in His ways.  First, by my actions, prayers, then words.  Lord, when I read something you have given and see how much they NEED to hear and know it...let me joyfully receive it as well as you mirror your love for them back on me.

Truth for Lies ~ Part 3

Lies Homeschooling Moms Believe by Todd Wilson

Chapter 2 - Part 2

January 5, 2012

“For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the destruction of fortresses. We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, and we are ready to punish all disobedience, whenever your obedience is complete. You are looking at things as they are outwardly. If anyone is confident in himself that he is Christ's, let him consider this again within himself, that just as he is Christ's, so also are we.” 2 Corinthians 10:3-7

Lie #5 Everyone’s Marriage Is Better Than Yours.
When you see another couple showing affection or interacting in a healthy way, you assume that is the whole story of their life. When you are interacting with your husband in the same way, you do not value that moment because you are aware and (often too much) focus on the faults and failures you know are present in your married life. p.40

“When you believe it (this lie), it causes you to look around at all your friends and naively think, they really love each other and have no idea what our marriage is like.” p. 41

“I am convinced that others look at your marriage and think the very same thing about yours that you think about theirs. It’s the LIE, and you all believe it.

“...guys just don’t believe that lie...except...maybe the lie that their marriage is better than it really is.” p. 42

Truth #5 “...all marriages stink from time to time. That’s what happens when you put two people together. They argue, see things differently, say cutting comments, or give the silent treatment sometimes. That’s not just some marriages; that’s ALL marriages.”

See Colossians 3: 5-21; 1 Peter 3:1-9-12; Ephesians 5:22-33
All throughout the new testament we are taught and commanded to love with a love not our own. We are constantly being challenged to move out of our comfort zones, love those who are unlovely, and forgive, forgive, forgive. We are being exhorted in the passages above specifically regarding our married life. We are told to pursue and work out our struggles and lay down our lives for one another. The concept of loving each other and submitting to one another was markedly different to the Christian in that day than the worldly marriages around them. The same is true for us today. If marriage was easy and didn’t take effort or create the struggles that we daily face, then we wouldn’t need these admonishments. As it is, we are daily called to reflect Christ to one another, and every married couple with need the strength of the Lord to do that.

“To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing.” 1 Peter 3:8-9

We ALL need these words because we ALL stumble to fulfill them.


Lie #6 Everyone Else Can Do It All.
“So why do you moms insist on believing that you should be able to do it all? I’ll tell you why. Because you believe the LIE that everyone else can.

“You’re an emotional wreck and find yourself saying to your kids, your husband, and yourself, ‘I can’t do it all.’ But inside, you still believe every other homeschooling mom can.” p.43

Truth #6 There is not a homeschool mom alive who can do it all well. No one can teach their kids all they need to know for the rest of their lives, keep a meticulously clean house, fix gourmet, healthy meals, meet all the needs of their husband, have a super model body, and be a spiritual giant. It just isn’t possible.

“There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven - I have seen the task which God has given the sons of men with which to occupy themselves. He has made everything appropriate in its time. I know that everything God does will remain forever; there is nothing to add to it and there is nothing to take from it, for God has so worked that men should fear Him.” Ecclesiastes 3:1, 10, 11, 14

“He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in its season and its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers. The wicked are not so, But they are like chaff which the wind drives away.” Psalm 1:3-4

"I will make them and the places around My hill a blessing. And I will cause showers to come down in their season; they will be showers of blessing. Also the tree of the field will yield its fruit and the earth will yield its increase, and they will be secure on their land. Then they will know that I am the LORD, when I have broken the bars of their yoke and have delivered them from the hand of those who enslaved them.” Ezekiel 34:26-27

Lie #7 Every Other Mom Loves Homeschooling Her Kids
“Some enjoy parts of homeschooling but some hate every part of homeschooling except the results. The things that are the easiest are usually not very good for you, but those things that take blood, sweat, and tears are worth everything. Homeschooling must be really, really good because it’s really, really hard.”
p. 44-45

Truth #7 No one homeschools because it is easy. Most do it because they think it is the best.

What is our true purpose for home education? If it is best for us it is because it causes us to gain more of Christ by sharing in his struggles and sufferings as we strive to persevere. Let us not focus on what we were doing, could be doing, or enjoy doing more. Let us press on toward the goal and what Christ has waiting for us ahead.

“But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish so that I may gain Christ,...but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:7-8, 13-14


Lie #8 Everyone Else Is More Capable Than You.
Many feel defeated because they believe that others are more “qualified” to teach their children. They fear their children are being cheated in some way.

“...teaching your own children is nothing like teaching someone else’s children.” p.46

Truth #8 You are God’s ‘Plan A’ for your children

"You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.” Deuteronomy 6:5-7

“For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10

Lie #9 You Are The Only One Who Is Falling Apart And Feels The Way You Feel.
You might agree with all the other things we’ve talked about so far, but you’re still convinced that you’re the only one who is as bad as you. And sometimes being with a group of homeschooling moms heightens your feeling of failure. p. 47

If we believe this lie, we will isolate ourselves from the very truth and people meant to share these truths with us. We will continue to live a life of defeat.

Truth #9 We ALL struggle and need one another to gain victory.

“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.” James 5:16, 19

“As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.” Ephesians 4:14-16

Summary: “If lies like these (and others) go unchecked and unchallenged, I guarantee the joy will be sucked right out of your home, your marriage, and your life. You will wake up every day dreading homeschooling and hoping that something will change to stop the nightmare.” p. 48

Discussion:
Of the lies in this section, which do you identify with most?
Why do you think this lie is the one that most affects you?
Is there anything that you do, or we do, as a group, that contributes to the lying pattern?
How can we “fine tune” our group so that we don’t contribute to this problem?