Trail of Prayers - Week 2

"Thou wilt make known to me the path of life; in They presence is fulness of joy; in they right hand there are pleasures forever."  Psalm 16:11

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Day 1 - Jan. 9

You will.  

You will make it known to me. And you will make it known to them. 

You will.  

I can rest in that. 

My hurriedness, my drive to control, to direct, to keep order - it's all a path to emptiness, destruction, futility, and regret.  

Life will not get better by me controlling it more.  That is not the path of life. 

Help me remember I am listening to You.  you know the thoughts and minds and hearts.  You have a right path.  You will make know the path of life. My work is to ask and follow. 

I don't have to be "good" at managing this home and life.  I don't need to prove anything. I don't need to meet a standard. 

I need to seek You and serve You.  

You.  My Great and Loving God.

I confess that the number of people and needs here overwhelms me. That when everything in me fights to take control, to run straight to my flesh. 

Help me. They are my work. They are my service.  

You will show me. 

Forgive me for living like You won't.  Forgive me for believing and acting as though I need to be God - You - each day.  Teach me to stop. To trust. To believe your promise...

"You will make known to me the path of life..."

...and in my learning, show my family that You will do the same for them. 

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Day 2 - Jan. 10

"the path of life..."

Cross references: 
Psalm 139:24  "...and lead me in the everlasting way..."

Matthew 7:14 "Fot the gate is small, and the way is narrow that leads to life, and few are those who find it." 

Life.
Everlasting.
Few.

Is it presumptious for me to desire that the Many children you have born to us could ALL be counted among the Few that find the way to life? 

Maybe.  

But you have called me, like the widow before the judge, to plead their lives before You and cling to hope. 

Hope because You have reached into my unworthiness and let me find You. 

Hope becasue You are chipping away at my self-serving heart to learn the labors of prayer for their souls - and praying the power of your heart for Your people.

Hope because You have surrounded them with truth in countless ways - preaching, books, family worship, schooling, media; the seeds in their lives are abundant.

Hope because You surround them with people that know you, love You, speak life to them, pray for them. 

Statistically, no. My Many can't ALL be part of a Few.

Thank You that Your great work is for Your glory, not our own.  Rather than using statistics and numbers, You work in miracles and mysteries to shine forth Your complete holiness and Your worthiness to be exalted in every way. 

I will trust in that.

I will rest in being called to pray, hope, trust and live for Your own glory.

And I will spend my days believing that this is true for my Many as well.

Trail of Prayers: Week 1, 1 Chronicles 28: 9

Insert Photo of Verse

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Lord -- help me know You and serve You --

--and let this knowing and serving be with a whole heart and a willing mind.


Whole Heart = Same Mind (as Solomon's father, David)

See note on Philippians 3:12
   note: "becoming perfect" is related to "whole heart" - not sinless perfection - but a pressing on in maturity until the time of completion.

Willing Mind = Willing Soul

There is this two-fold call on Solomon that David is making: 

            Be like me. 
            Be yourself.

            Own my faith.
            Own your own faith.

            Mirror Me.
            Create your own.

            Same as me.
            Choose for yourself.

Amazing.

And what a charge.  As a parent, I totally get this. My heart aches for my children to know and love this God who has reached over every mountain and stin of sin in my life to love me, cleanse me, and make me His - and make Him mine.  

I want them to know this power, grace, mercy.  I want them to fully grasp their need for it - to know the brokenness that drives you to such a mighty savior. 

And I want them to know the unquenchable hunger, thirst and drive to serve in again and gain and again - even when there's Nothing Left. 

 Because, truly, there is Nothing Else.

I want my children to own that faith You've given to me. But, I want it to be Their Own. 

I want it to be what they know based on who they are. I want it to be what they have found from their own searching and hurting and failing and trying and receiving and knowing.  

I want for them to have their own willing and choosing and finding and knowing and serving. Not a reliance on me to convict and chide and press and coax. 

Their own willing mind - fully given to the Truth of your work in their own life - not simply my own. 

                   Same as Me.
                   Own Your Own. 

This dichotomy of parenting and discipleship - it mirrors You fully, Lord.  Jesus, you give the same call to us. Help me press on with a whole heart - striving for your same mind of knowing and serving while embracing and bending my will and mind so that this walk of faith you have given to me becomes my own - as unique as you have created and purposed my life to be. 

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Day 2 - Jan 5

"....know the God of your father, and serve Him with the same mind..."

This is a hard part of the verse for me.  It stings whenever I read it.  

You have not been the God of my father - or mother. Not truly. Not in the "David, a man after God's own heart" kind of way.  I can't use their "mind" for you as an example. 

That makes me sad. Sad because i feel lost and unsure what this "mind" and "whole heart" can look like. 

Also sad because they do not know you or serve you. And I've always felt burdened and responsible to change that. 

But I never have. 

Yet, You have stepped in to give other fatherly and motherly models to me.  Earthly ones and You, Yourself, Jesus. 

Help me to be grateful for these precious people and remember their example in my life.  

Help me also to let go of the burden.  It is not my work to "save" my own children.  It is certainly not my work to "save" my parents or any other person. 

It is all Your Work.

My work is knowing and serving You with a whole heart - same mind of those earthly examples, and You, Jesus. My work is to seek You - and find You. 

My work is to also pray and love my parents as they continue to seek You, trusting You will let them find You. 

Help me embrace and be fully immersed in my work so that You can be God and do Your Work.  

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Day 3, January 6

"...serve Him with a whole heart and a willing mind..."

Cross References: (edited by me)

1 Sam 12:2  "...but I am old and gray, and behold my sons are with you...I have walked before you from my youth even to this day."

1 Kings 8:61  "Let your heart therefore be wholly devoted to the Lord our God, to walk in His statutes and to keep His commandments, as at this day."  (note to self: read all of Solomon's prayer in chapter 8 for further study)

1 Chronicles 29:17-19  "...I, in the integrity of my heart, have willingly offered all these things...preserve this forever in the intentions of the heart of Thy people, and direct their heart to Thee; and give my son, Solomon, a perfect heart to keep Thy commandments, Thy testimonies and Thy statutes, and to do them all..."

The example of Samuel's life-long service to you, the powerful prayers of Solomon and David on behalf of your people - and his own son, the willingness of David to acknowledge the Lord and lay all before Him - His life's work...

Whole Hearts - Willing Minds

Samuel - serving from childhood until old and gray - acknowledging his sons are "with them" and not with himself - the irony of these father-son contrasts is not lost on me. 

Samuel watched his sons turn from the Lord - and himself- yet he served.  Their devotion to the Lord wasn't his motivation or proof he needed to press on. He knew the Lord and served Him with a whole heart. 

David's hope for his son - the attainment of that wouldn't even be seen by him - but that didn't alter his devotion to the work the Lord had given to him. 

Whole heart - Willing mind

Help me stop measuring the worth and value of serving you on the results of what happens around me.  Results are yours to give. Serving and seeking are mine.  

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Day 4 - January 7

"...for the Lord searches all hearts..."

1 Sam. 16:7  "...for God sees not as a man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

"...and understands every intent of the thoughts..."

Help, Lord.  Help me to remember that what I see - it's only an outward appearance.  I am unable to see the heart and know the intent of the thoughts in my children - or husband.

Forgive me for so often making assumptions regarding their actions and motives.  When I do that, it is rarely a helpful thing. 

Help me to trust you - that You are already searching their hearts, understanding their intentions. Help me wait on You, then to guide me in how to lead, direct, correct, and disciple them.  You know them. You love them. You want to work in their lives uniquely.  And part of that work is through me. 

And you love me.  You know me.  You desire to use me.  Therefore, I can trust you will show me how to best interact and guide my children - and help my husband.  

Keep me from doing this in my own "wisdom" and "strength".  Those are false crutches used by someone trying to still drag her own yoke of futility. 

Help me to keep learning humility so that I can live from the rest that comes from leaning into an all-knowing, fully-loving, all-powerful God.  

Help me step aside to be me so that you can be You.  

You = God
Me = Not. God.   

A Trail of Prayers...

This year I'm taking up a Trail of Prayers.  The "trail" is a journey through my worn and tired bible pages, now marked with brightly colored sticky tabs.  These tabs mark verses and passages that I have begun to pray, plead, and sometimes weep over my children. 

Sometimes, my husband. 

And, always, myself, even though I never intended or anticipated that my great work of prayer on their behalf would actually be more about me and my aching heart. 

This all started several months ago when *another* heartbreaking struggle arose with one of our children-turning-man-but-still-so-far-and-doesn't-even-know-it.  And when I say heartbreaking, I mean it.  I never knew I could actually FEEL my non-physical seat of emotion physically BREAK...but it did. And, wow, did I FEEL it.

Again.  'Cause this wasn't our first rodeo with this child-man or this sin. 

And that led me to a Trail of Prayers.  What started as a desperate hunt for just *some* words of scripture to pray, as my own words were all choked up with tears and sobs, ended in several places of highlighted and underlined passages, sticky tab left to help me remember where to come back. Again and again, because, let's face it, I knew I was in this for a Very Long Haul.

And, yes, the Trail of Prayers began as a Trail of Tears. And, the tears often still come, but not as much.  And that's because...well, Hope.  God's word is everything. And it certainly is the foundation of all Hope. 

And that's what this Trail is to me.  It's growing.  I keep finding more verses and passages to pray. More sticky tabs are filling my worn and well-loved crinkly bible pages.  And I'm grateful.  So much truth to cling to and speak into their lives.  And to transform my own.

So many that the Trail has grown longer than I can hike in one prayer sitting.  I've taken to pray one verse each week for this year.  And I'm allowing these verses to not only be a covering over my family, but a spade for my heart, digging in and allowing the truths to till the soil and hard places that need growth and room for roots to grow strong and deep. 

You're welcome to join me on the Trail.  Everyone needs a good hiking buddy.

Burn Out

I'm a homeschooling mom. I have eight children. My oldest child is 16 years old. According to *my* definition of home education, I've been at this homeschooling business for, oh...sixteen years now.

For some reason, I was asked to speak on avoiding homeschool burn-out. I've decided it was because the Lord had some things for me to learn in this because I certainly have struggled this whole month to have anything clever to share. Let's just all agree from this point on that I don't have this all figured out and anything we get out of this is completely by the grace of a great, mighty, and gracious God that we are privileged to know and serve.

The term "burn-out" is catchy. I hear it a lot in different circles and especially among homeschooling families. When someone uses the term they often conjur up funny images of mothers with hair gone wild, books scattered about, babies screaming, children running amuck, and pot of something boiling over. There is a look of desperation in her eyes as she has that "he better be home in five minutes or I go into full-blown melt-down" aroma steaming from her ears, right?

Thing is, we can giggle at the images posted on a newsfeed but the reality of burn-out isn't funny. When you're that mom gasping for air you need a lot more than a joke to pull you from the fray. But, what is it you need? How did you get here in the first place? Why didn't you see this coming? What is the cause of this and how do I make it stop? Those are the questions that are so heavy you can barely lift your head to ask them.

If I ask this group of ladies what they do to avoid burn-out, I'd get a list of helpful and similar asnwers. I've asked groups of ladies similar to this one. Here are some things they suggested:

1. Staying connected in the homeschool community on a regular basis. That might look like a weekly park playdate for some groups, a homeschool mom's support group, a book club that is reading a homeschool-relevant book (Sally Clarkson type books or perhaps a Charlotte Mason study group), etc.

2. Finding a curriculum that WORKS for your family.

3. Take your home under control. The added stress of a chaotic household, dissheveled surroundings, lost items, too much clutter and junk only serve to add an extra burden to what is already an intensive job! If you need help getting it under control, seek out help! Even professional help. Homeschool moms need their homes to work for them and not against them. If your professional office looked like your home, would you be able to function at your highest level? As a homeschool mom, your home IS your office!

4. Do not be afraid to say "no". There are many good things and opportunities out there, but keep discernment to what the BEST and most beneficial things are. We do want to keep our kids connected, but be sure you aren't in overkill mode. Homeschool families and especially large homeschool families have different benefits, different challenges, and different needs than your average "one boy, one girl, public school" American family does. You can't compare yourself against other families who seem to have it all nailed down, especially when they do not have the same logistics as your family does.

Quality friends .. I avoid burn out with good friends to pray for me and encourage me along the way.

Four day school weeks. Having a day off a week helps me plow through and know the house will be caught up on the fifth day. It also leaves room for feild trips and coop.

Breaks, especially a long Christmas one. Makes it seem like a new year come January.

Workbinders. I keep all the weeks worth of worksheets and handouts in a workbinder for each kid and I have one with teachers grids for each kid and our logs. It helps to have a visual of what needs to be accomplished.

A trash can, sometimes u just need to scrap something on the plan.

A good plan.. I like to be prepared as much in advance as possible. Keeps me from planning burn out.

Always keep the Big picture in mind. When you are in seasons of your life that are very demanding and you need to peg back a little keep the BIG picture in mind of what you are doing in the Lord's strength- this keeps you on track and keeps perspective.

Do a little each day- on days that you are feeling low and drained even just doing a little work with the dc keeps you on track and prevents the guilty feelings, " Oh, I have not done any 'school' today"

Committ every year and every day to the Lord. Remember He is our Master- not the curriculum, not the dc, not the Home school groups etc but the Lord.We are to serve Him first.

For ME, just scrapping the schedule some days and watching a movie together or just playing or whatever REALLY helps me...IF I give myself permission to not stress that we are "getting behind"....

Getting together with homeschooling moms is REALLY helpful to me, but I don't get to much.
I think the number one thing that helps me when I'm feeling burnt out is to cut myself some slack and take a day off! Don't be so legalistic to my school schedule that if makes me feel confined.

Burn-out for me is when the schedule is so tight, that I can only do urgent basics (barely), and I have no time to catch-up on very essential but non-urgent activities (like time with God, time with dh, etc.). And it's especially hard when I'm doing this on consistently not-enough sleep! It seems that each morning loses it's joy, because it's just waking up to a mad rush again, only to in the end get further behind than when the day began.

To avoid burn-out, I have to re-evaluate priorities and my motives for things in our schedule. I'm and sooooo glad that God is gracious, merciful, and wanting to lead us personally!! I need his direction and help!! And my dh is helpful in helping me know what needs to stay in the schedule and what can go.

I find the more my attitude is that I need a break from my dc, the more I burn out and dislike my "job." Also building my relationship with God.

As a mom with a majority of dc who have some learning challenges, I've really had to step back and tell myself OVER and OVER that this is a marathon, not a sprint. I also have to remind myself not to compare my dyslexic children to my dd who reads with ease... I mean, we shouldn't compare... All dc are unique in their gifts and struggles, but that particular comparison is very stark for me because it's in my face on a daily basis.

Burn-out creeps in bad when...
1) I feel like I'm spinning my wheels as fast as I can.
2) I don't feel like I'm gaining traction forward - only falling further behind daily.
3) I see other kids from great families who ps doing better than my dc.
4) I have important people in my life encouraging me to ps.
5) I ponder all the advantages my kids are missing out on by being hsed. (Somehow in these moments I forget all the advantages of hsing, lol.)
It's then that I feel like, "What's the use! Why am I doing this?" It's so important to know the WHY of why we're homeschooling!

Ladies, while these are real and valuable experiences that are being shared, we sound like a taped recording of every homeschool conference speaker, author, and blogger we've ever read, don't we? Aren't we spitting out the phrases and buzz words of our own little culture we've created that are meant to encourage and spur us on to greatness only to leave us feeling more confused and distracted as we bounce from one striving to the next?

More planning, trash the planning.

 More time with friends, more time alone.

Just do it, just stop doing it.

More structure, more fun.

It's a game of us reaching for any and every solution when, really, we haven't clearly identified the problem we are facing. What IS burn-out? How do we define it?

A simple dictionary search will give us this:

— vb 1. to become or cause to become worn out or inoperative as a result of heat or friction: the clutch burnt out 2. ( intr ) (of a rocket, jet engine, etc) to cease functioning as a result of exhaustion of the fuel supply 3. ( tr; usually passive ) to destroy by fire 4. to become or cause to become exhausted through overwork or dissipation — n 5. the failure of a mechanical device from excessive heating 6. a total loss of energy and interest and an inability to function effectively, experienced as a result of excessive demands upon one's resources or chronic overwork

Also, burn oneself out . Make or become exhausted or disaffected, especially with one's work or schooling. For example, Many young lawyers burn themselves out after a few years of 70-hour weeks . This metaphoric term alludes to a fire going out for lack of new fuel. Robert Southey used it in an 1816 essay: "The spirit of Jacobinism was burnt out in France." [1970s] - dictionary.com

Notice this word is a metaphoric term. It derives from the science of rocketry. And, just like rockets need fuel to burn, so we need fuel to propel us each day. When a rocket exhausts it's fuel, it suffers a burn-out. When a mechanical device fails to work after being exposed to excessive heat, it burns out. You know where I'm going with this, right? We've got two things happening here in our lives as we think of this idea of burn-out. We are exhausting our fuel supply and/or we are working under such heated conditions, we simply fail to function.

So, which is it? I contend that it's both. I see, from my own life, that when my fuel supply reaches its end, instead of doing what I should to refuel (or doing what I should have done to keep my fuel supply steady in the first place), I begin to spin my wheels faster with the tiniest bit of fuel that is left in the hopes that this last-ditch sprinting will somehow hurl me past the finish line. Thing is, that finish line is way further out than I ever remember.

What I am learning is that burn-out is directly linked to my fuel supply.

What am I fueled by on this homeschooling journey? For that matter, what fuels me for motherhood at all? That's the most crucial question. I can list many different way to help me FEEL better when I am out of fuel. I can think of ways to recharge my battery, so to speak. But, without the proper fuel, I will fail to function the way God has designed.

What is my fuel and how do I burn it up so easily? Well, as rocket fuel is to rockets, so the word of God is to my soul. It is through His word and the prayer and communion with Him in it that I am nourished each day for the life He has chosen for me.

Did you notice in the dictionary definition the term burn one's self out? More often than not, we are doing this to ourselves.

A quote from author, Elizabeth Foss, "Sometimes homeschooling mothers give and give and give and then they crash and burn. They look up and say, 'I'm serving, I'm giving, I'm loving...I'm utterly depleted.' Why? Because we are not called to love from the depths of our being. We are called to love as He loved. We fill ourselves with Him, first, and then that love overflows. We know that He is God and that He loves us, infinitely."

He is our fuel. He is that which we are to be pouring out into the lives of those around us.

What is the goal of our parenting? Is it perfection? Is it successful children? Martha Peace and Stuart Scott in their book, The Faithful Parent challenge us, "The goal for the Christian parent is to be faithful to God's word by his grace and for his glory. You see, in Christ we have the great hope that we can be faithful whether our children are faithful or not."

Isn't homeschooling simply a component of parenting? And, as the quote above is pointing out, isn't parenting, then, simply a component of our sanctification and service to our Lord? We are in a season of serving by educating these young people in our lives. This is how we uniquely live out our faith before Him today. Tomorrow, He will have another call upon our lives. Yet, the fuel for this life remains the same. And, if we burn out of that fuel, the result is the same. Exhaustion. Failure to funtion. Burn-out.

So, how do we avoid it? How do we keep from burning up that precious fuel we need to sustain these intense efforts of our daily lives? First, we see it, as we have just done. Next, confess our failings. Are there ways I have created burn out in my life?

Here's another thought from Elizabeth Foss,

"So, is it a sin to snap at your children all day long? How about only half the day long? Is it a sin to be unavailable to your husband? Is it a sin to find yourself, at the end of the day, surrounded by mountains of laundry and the remnants of an scarcely nutritious meal? Is it a sin to go about your daily round feeling as if you are always on the brink of tears, scarcely ever sharing a smile or an encouraging word? Well, yes, it is. None of those things are God's will for your family. And whatever circumstances of your life are causing you to behave that way need to be pruned. You're burned out and that is sad, scary, place to be. But you don't have to stay there. And God doesn't want you to be there."
I would add the question, is there something I have placed in my life that is robbing me of the time and place I need to replenish my fuel supply on a regular basis? That needs pruning too.

From there, repent and seek His counsel on how to move forward. As you look for solutions to the burn-out, remember that the primary goal is to be faithful to God and his word. That is our fuel, so our solutions to our burn-out needs to be that which allows us to feed on his truths, so that we would then have it to pour out to our families.

This will give you confidence as you go back over that list of 101 Grand Ways to Beat Burn-Out.

Will going out for coffee with my other homeschooling buddies *really* nourish my soul and help me feed on the Lord so that I am ready to flow His goodness upon my family the next day? Maybe. For some, that form of fellowship is a necessary component of a healthy walk with God. For others, or in some seasons, it's something we enjoy, but distracts us from a more primary source of feeding such as time alone in prayer and the word.

Rising earlier can be a wonderful way for some to truly connect with the Lord and find His truths for the day. But, for the mother of a newborn babe, those early morning hours may be all she has to sustain her physical body for the work ahead.

Seasons, temperments, family life, they all play a part in making some solutions relative and subjective. What doesn't change, however, is the need for TIME and PLACE to feed on the Lord.

This year, in our family, I discovered the idea of Sabbath Schooling. Our schedule is now set up for 6 weeks of formal schooling and a seventh week of rest. Where the new challenge now comes to me in this is making that week of rest truly nourishing to my soul. When I rest IN THE LORD, I will then go into the next session of schooling with my family refreshed and refueled so that I can share with them from the bounty I am receiving. Now, of course I can't do this only every 7 weeks. I'd shrivel up like a raisin, for sure. I'm a season where I need daily (sometimes hourly) refueling. But, when I purpose a break, I need to purpose that it feed me, not drain me. A break before the day begins, a break at the day's end, a day of rest at the end or beginning of each week, and a week of rest after a block of schooling, it all needs to have the purpose of feeding me on REAL food. That's where the conviction sets in while the Lord does his work. Will this book I sit to read, this movie I watch, this mindless hour on facebook, this phone call I make, will these fuel me for the work ahead? Hard questions and hard choices.

One final thought on burn-out set forth by Elizabeth Foss. As you are making choices to deal with what needs to go and what needs to stay so that you are being fed and fueled, be cautious of being duped. Those people that seem to stress us the most aren't always the real source of our struggle.

"As contrary as it seems at first, the trick to avoiding burnout-- for me-- is more time with my children. It's important that the time isn't all frantic, rushed time. It needs to be focused time, time spent without the distractions of adult conversations and responsibilities. Children are rarely the cause of my burnout; working them in around the adults in my life is the cause of my burnout.

And so, the "cure" or the prevention is to spend time with them, unencumbered by the demands of grownups. I cannot be tethered to the telephone or the computer. I need to look them in the eye when they are talking to me and I need to listen with my full attention. And when I do, I find my soul is readily healed by children."

This statement, "our soul is readily healed by the children," is true in the light that the daily discipleship we are called to undertake with our children is the work the Lord has given us to do. When we are lost in His work, our souls are nourished, fed, fueled, and healed from the burdens we have encumbered upon ourselves.

Some closing thoughts from a fellow mother in the trenches:

Burnout really is indicative that a change needs to happen, isn't it? Whether it's a change in perspective, a change in routine, a change in discipline tactics, etc....

Oooh! And if burnout is indicative of a necessary change, then a PLANNED change could very well be an effective preventative against burnout!

Allow the change to be that which causes you to thrive in your faithfulness to the Lord. Let this homeschooling and mothering journey be all that the Lord intends for it to be. The tool He has chosen for loving, refining, and drawing you closer to Him.

　

*Quotes from Elizabeth Foss taken from her blog, In the Heart of My Home, at elizabethfoss.com

Looking Back...Looking Ahead 2014

This past year was a life changing one, that's for sure! I didn't spend a lot of time here on this blog, since I decided to do the bulk of my journaling in my notebooks. I still enjoy that best, so I don't think I'll be here a whole lot in the coming year.

I have been challenged by some friends, though, to be thinking on resolutions for the coming year.  Honestly, I just don't really like to make those because I feel like I'm setting myself up for failure. I do, however, have some things I know I am going to be working on in the coming year.  Mostly, though, I really love reflecting back on the year in this format.  It causes me to see what the Lord has done in my life and what threads He is continuing to weave for the future. So, here goes my time of reflection!

In the Year 2013.....

I rejoiced...

> When my husband started his own public accounting firm working from our home
> When my mother came to visit for 10 days!
> When my precious, oldest daughter hit that amazing milestone of Sweet Sixteen.
> When I completed a difficult yet profoundly life-changing 21 day Daniel Fast with my family
> When I watched my husband shrink away about 80 pounds worth of weight in less than 6 months!
>  When I said good bye to 50 pounds worth of weight in a little over 6 months and finding healing for my physical body and sinful habits regarding food.
>  When I watched our family work hard to split, load, stack several cords of wood provided to us by the Lord through his people.
>  When the Lord continued to provide for our needs through sending work, gifts from brothers and sisters in Christ, and the hard work of my husband's hands.
> When I watched my four oldest children perform on stage for the first time in The Scarlet Pimpernel.
> When I sent my oldest daughter off to her first day of work away from home.
> When I began making many new friends who have greatly supported me in my new journey of eating a plant-based diet.
> When we enjoyed a wonderful Christmas Eve with David's family.

I grieved....

> When I struggled for months with depression, blood sugar struggles, sleep deprivation, and a sense of hopelessness over my physical and mental health.
> When my husband and I struggled through the reality of dealing with his ADHD and learning how we both need to work well with the unique way the Lord has made him and me.
> When my husband was fired from the accounting firm he was working at this past spring.
> When we realized it was time to leave our long-distance church family in search of another local body to grow with.
> When we've had to make difficult choices and sacrifices to live within our means.
> When I went through a painful week of detox, realizing just how my sin had affected my physical, mental, and emotional life, including my poor family.

I learned...

> That I really was the source of most of my struggles. Sin has a deeper hold than I imagined.
> That my children are amazingly supportive and willing and able to change.
> That a plant-based lifestyle will bring healing AND a level of communion with the Lord I never could have known.  Only the Lord could have convinced me of that truth.
> That trying new things, even if just for a short time, can literally change your life.
> That the Lord speaks through His word, as He promises.
> That my husband is an amazing man of strength and determination. I can, should, and do trust him.
> That my husband is incredibly handsome as a skinny guy!!
> That I really DO like vegetables! Even Brussels sprouts!

I pray...

> That I would find God's specific direction for our educational pursuits just as I have with our nutritional and health needs.
> That I would be the support and encouragement my husband needs during this difficult time of starting a new business.
> That the Lord would greatly bless the work of David's hands, causing him to be fruitful for His glory in all that he strives for.
> That we would have a profitable tax season so that David can continue as self-employed and our needs would be met outside of government resources.
> That we would find a church home where we can serve, grow, and see our children blossom under Truth.
> That I would grow closer with my children. My oldest three in particular, healing from hurts and tying strong heart strings.
> That I would be faithful to the Lord's priorities in my life and willing to set aside my own.
> That I would completely heal, physically, by making it to my goal weight through building a life filled with the best of the Lord's provision and actively using my body to serve Him well.
> That I would be a blessing and support to others looking for help in their journey to health and healing.
> That the Lord would make a way for my family and I to visit my friends and relatives in the Midwest this year.

I resolve... *big breath*

> To establish a strong morning routine that will start my day strong.
> To lose another 50 pounds by our wedding anniversary in June.
> To establish a daily routine that prioritizes activity and exercise for myself and our family.
> To set aside time to seek the Lord's direction for our children's education plans.
> To pray scripture daily for my children and husband.
> To make this the Year of the Boy.  I will change my tone, face, and actions toward my boys so that I can know them better and love them rightly. I will pursue them with grace, truth, and love.
> To revise and keep up my blogs as a way to help myself through creative outlet and others through the information I share.
> To make reading aloud the highest priority with my younger students.
> To develop and follow a discipleship plan for my older children.
> To establish and follow boundaries regarding my social time on the computer so that I am fully available to my family and their needs, setting the example they need of a godly wife and mother.
> To make writing real letters a weekly habit in my life.

Speak to the Heart

Psalm 36:1 "Transgression speaks to the ungodly within his heart, there is no fear of God before his eyes."

Romans 3:9-18 (paraphrased)
"What then? Are we better than they? Not at all; for we...are all under sin;
> none righteous
>none who understands
> all have turned aside, become useless
> none who does good
> we deceive with our tongues
> there is cursing and bitterness in our mouths
> our feet are swift to shed blood
> where we walk we create destruction and misery
> we do not know the path of peace
> we have no fear of God

Father, the magnitude of your redemption is beyond comprehension.  Look at us.  Look at who we are without You.

We don't even see how bad off we are until Your Spirit opens our eyes.

Oh, Lord, give me Your heart for those who need You. Forgive me for my anger and offense at people who are lost in their sin. Help me not forget I am still at war against my flesh.

Praise to You! You have won my final victory!

Help me as I work with my disciples.  Help me remember that Transgression is speaking to them in their very hearts! They do not have the fear of God before their eyes. 

Oh, Lord! Let them see it in me!

When they think of Mother, let it be with a full attachment to Your word and dependence and love for You.  Cause me to rightly speak Your Word into their hearts that it would rightly triumph over the Transgression speaking to their hearts.

Colossians 3:16  "Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God." 

How is this done?

Give me practical ways to speak Your Word into their hearts and put the Fear of the Lord before their eyes.

1. Read the Scriptures:  It is our daily bread, let me return to reading it before each meal.

2. Teach with the Scriptures: In choice of curriculae, books read, visuals, discussion.

3. Admonish with Scriptures: Let it be Your word that directs, not my own. Let Your words be heard, seen, and experienced in every room of our home. Use psalms, scripture hymns and songs to lead, build up, and direct my little, and not so little, followers.

5. Respond to Your word:  SING, pray, speak, act with gratitude to the truths found in Your Word.

Lord, let Your Word do it's powerful and holy work in the our lives each day.

If I have any friends out there reading along, please share ways you keep the Word of God alive and active in your homes each day.  Thanks!

Roll with it...

April 4, 2013
Journal Entry

"Commit your way to the Lord,

Trust also in Him, and He will do it." Psalm 37:5

Literal: Roll you way upon the Lord

Batach: have confidenc, be bold, be secure, feel safe,
Derek: road, journey, path, manner, direction, habit, course of life, distance
Asa: accomplish, do make, produce attend to, put in order, bring about

What will He do? What is it? What is my way?

Cross references:

"Cast your burdens upon the Lord, and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken." Psalm 55:22

Rolling...Casting...this action of pushing the issues - the way- the burdens away from oneself. Not just handing them over, but doing so with great effort. Effort fitting to the weight of the burden.

Literal: Cast what He has given you

See the PROVIDENCE!! This burden, this way that I take, it is what He has given. The one who assigned the task designed the challenge. He is there and can be trusted to bring the solution about for us and through us. He has the answer.

 

 

"Commit your works to the Lord, and your plans will be established." Proverbs 16:3

Again: Roll
Ma'seh: deed, labor, business, pursuit, enterprise, undertaking, achievement, product
Machashabah: thoughts, devices, plans, purposes, inventions

This verse has the feel of industry. A sense of work, production, efficiency, ingenuity. A sense of moving forward and leading rather than simply following a path. It has a sense of pro-activeness to it in contrast to the weight of the burdens and struggle of the previous verses.

 

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

Again: Casting; throw upon; place upon
Merimna: care; anxiety
Melo: to care about

You do this, Lord, because you care.

You plan this journey, you give us these burdens, you design these cares so that we would exert ourselves in such a way that we must push them back upon you with an amount of effort that causes us to recognize your great providence, power, and love for us; along with our desperate need for it.

Whether I am pressing forward on a steep, uphill path; winding along on an unmarked road; struggling to breathe under the weight of my duties; formulating a creative plan with hope and wonder; or fretting over the fear of the unknowns, I can roll these onto you.

You choose this for me because you care. You promise I will not be shaken. I can cast these unto you with boldness. Walk in confidence, feeling safe and secure, because this is your doing and you will establish and complete your plan.

My way is Your Way.  Lovingly designed and chosen by you to draw me closer than I was.

Thank You.