Christian Nice Girl

I read an article recently that use the term, "Christian Nice Girl" or "CNG".  Of course, a catchy phrase like that catches my attention. Isn't that what we strive for, to represent Christ in a nice way? Yet, the phrase reeks of negativity and sarcasm as soon as you see it. What in the world could be wrong with being "nice"?

The premise of the author, Peter Coughlin, was that some women hide behind the label "nice" when in reality they are avoiding conflict.  Mr. Coughlin pointed out that many of us will allow people in our lives to sin against us while we say nothing, smile and hold in our hurt feelings all under the belief that we are being "nice" or loving to play the Perpetual Doormat.

I appreciated the provoking viewpoint Mr. Coughin presented in his article. I do struggle often with thoughts that I allow others to take advantage of me, not expressing my real thoughts and feelings. Generally, I do this believing that I am extending grace and forgiveness to others, yet real forgiveness keeps no record of wrongs. I am not forgiving if I repeat the matter to another, pointing out how poorly I've been treated. So, yes, I am guilty of using "nice" to spare myself of conflict and vulnerability.

However, this article, in my opinion, did not fully examine the Lord's teaching on this matter. While the author did give reference to the thought that we need to speak the truth in love, stating that even Jesus confronted those in their sin, he does not spend adequate time discussing Christ's commands we are given to love beyond ourselves and our hurts.  The scriptures are clear that we are called to love one another without regard to our feelings, injuries, or self-preservation. And, yes, while the Lord was firm (even harsh) with the Pharisees and their offensive behavior, He has a whole different plan for how believers are to behave toward one another. Yes, we are commanded to "speak the truth in love". Yes, if I hold my tongue, pretending to be "nice" while really planning a vicious attack in my mind that will never be known (at least not by the person it is directed towards), I am not obeying the Lord's command to truly love that person. I am withholding the truth regarding their sinful actions, thereby disobeying the Lord and keeping us both from growing in the knowledge of Him. However, the examples in this article would lead one to believe that we should speak out our feelings directly, as if this in itself were speaking the Truth. It is clear that the Truth we are to speak is the Truth found in scripture, the Lord's teaching. I am not commanded to blast anyone with the "truth" of my own feelings and thoughts(Ephesians 4 is rich with the Lord's teaching on this)

I am currently reading through 1 Peter. Our family is also giving study to the Love that the Lord has called us to in His word. That Love is a strong contrast to the love the world offers. Today, in my reading, I see the Lord calling me to think carefully on how I would "speak the truth in love".

Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous: Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile: Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it. For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil. And who is he that will harm you, if ye be followers of that which is good? But and if ye suffer for righteousness' sake, happy are ye: and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled; But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear: Having a good conscience; that, whereas they speak evil of you, as of evildoers, they may be ashamed that falsely accuse your good conversation in Christ. For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well doing, than for evil doing. For Christ also hath once suffered for sins, the just for the unjust, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh, but quickened by the Spirit:"

If I am to truly love my brothers and sisters in Christ, then I must be vigilant to guard my tongue from speaking evil.  If I am wronged, I must be cautious to speak out the Lord's truth regarding the sin involved, not my feelings or self-preservation that I seek. It is true that the Lord has called me to be bold in regards to His word and the answers I have regarding the hope I have found in him. It is not true that I, therefore, have a license to indulge my need to be heard, right, or comforted.  I still wrestle through how to overcome my insecurities and fear of rejection, not allowing those things to keep me from pressing forward with words that will ultimately bring restoration, healing, and growth. As I work through this issue, looking for the right balance, I am content to choose silence and prayer in the moment I have been wronged allowing the Lord time to make His truth clear and whether it is my place to proclaim it or not.