Trail of Prayers - Week 2

"Thou wilt make known to me the path of life; in They presence is fulness of joy; in they right hand there are pleasures forever."  Psalm 16:11

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Day 1 - Jan. 9

You will.  

You will make it known to me. And you will make it known to them. 

You will.  

I can rest in that. 

My hurriedness, my drive to control, to direct, to keep order - it's all a path to emptiness, destruction, futility, and regret.  

Life will not get better by me controlling it more.  That is not the path of life. 

Help me remember I am listening to You.  you know the thoughts and minds and hearts.  You have a right path.  You will make know the path of life. My work is to ask and follow. 

I don't have to be "good" at managing this home and life.  I don't need to prove anything. I don't need to meet a standard. 

I need to seek You and serve You.  

You.  My Great and Loving God.

I confess that the number of people and needs here overwhelms me. That when everything in me fights to take control, to run straight to my flesh. 

Help me. They are my work. They are my service.  

You will show me. 

Forgive me for living like You won't.  Forgive me for believing and acting as though I need to be God - You - each day.  Teach me to stop. To trust. To believe your promise...

"You will make known to me the path of life..."

...and in my learning, show my family that You will do the same for them. 

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Day 2 - Jan. 10

"the path of life..."

Cross references: 
Psalm 139:24  "...and lead me in the everlasting way..."

Matthew 7:14 "Fot the gate is small, and the way is narrow that leads to life, and few are those who find it." 

Life.
Everlasting.
Few.

Is it presumptious for me to desire that the Many children you have born to us could ALL be counted among the Few that find the way to life? 

Maybe.  

But you have called me, like the widow before the judge, to plead their lives before You and cling to hope. 

Hope because You have reached into my unworthiness and let me find You. 

Hope becasue You are chipping away at my self-serving heart to learn the labors of prayer for their souls - and praying the power of your heart for Your people.

Hope because You have surrounded them with truth in countless ways - preaching, books, family worship, schooling, media; the seeds in their lives are abundant.

Hope because You surround them with people that know you, love You, speak life to them, pray for them. 

Statistically, no. My Many can't ALL be part of a Few.

Thank You that Your great work is for Your glory, not our own.  Rather than using statistics and numbers, You work in miracles and mysteries to shine forth Your complete holiness and Your worthiness to be exalted in every way. 

I will trust in that.

I will rest in being called to pray, hope, trust and live for Your own glory.

And I will spend my days believing that this is true for my Many as well.

Trail of Prayers: Week 1, 1 Chronicles 28: 9

Insert Photo of Verse

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Lord -- help me know You and serve You --

--and let this knowing and serving be with a whole heart and a willing mind.


Whole Heart = Same Mind (as Solomon's father, David)

See note on Philippians 3:12
   note: "becoming perfect" is related to "whole heart" - not sinless perfection - but a pressing on in maturity until the time of completion.

Willing Mind = Willing Soul

There is this two-fold call on Solomon that David is making: 

            Be like me. 
            Be yourself.

            Own my faith.
            Own your own faith.

            Mirror Me.
            Create your own.

            Same as me.
            Choose for yourself.

Amazing.

And what a charge.  As a parent, I totally get this. My heart aches for my children to know and love this God who has reached over every mountain and stin of sin in my life to love me, cleanse me, and make me His - and make Him mine.  

I want them to know this power, grace, mercy.  I want them to fully grasp their need for it - to know the brokenness that drives you to such a mighty savior. 

And I want them to know the unquenchable hunger, thirst and drive to serve in again and gain and again - even when there's Nothing Left. 

 Because, truly, there is Nothing Else.

I want my children to own that faith You've given to me. But, I want it to be Their Own. 

I want it to be what they know based on who they are. I want it to be what they have found from their own searching and hurting and failing and trying and receiving and knowing.  

I want for them to have their own willing and choosing and finding and knowing and serving. Not a reliance on me to convict and chide and press and coax. 

Their own willing mind - fully given to the Truth of your work in their own life - not simply my own. 

                   Same as Me.
                   Own Your Own. 

This dichotomy of parenting and discipleship - it mirrors You fully, Lord.  Jesus, you give the same call to us. Help me press on with a whole heart - striving for your same mind of knowing and serving while embracing and bending my will and mind so that this walk of faith you have given to me becomes my own - as unique as you have created and purposed my life to be. 

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Day 2 - Jan 5

"....know the God of your father, and serve Him with the same mind..."

This is a hard part of the verse for me.  It stings whenever I read it.  

You have not been the God of my father - or mother. Not truly. Not in the "David, a man after God's own heart" kind of way.  I can't use their "mind" for you as an example. 

That makes me sad. Sad because i feel lost and unsure what this "mind" and "whole heart" can look like. 

Also sad because they do not know you or serve you. And I've always felt burdened and responsible to change that. 

But I never have. 

Yet, You have stepped in to give other fatherly and motherly models to me.  Earthly ones and You, Yourself, Jesus. 

Help me to be grateful for these precious people and remember their example in my life.  

Help me also to let go of the burden.  It is not my work to "save" my own children.  It is certainly not my work to "save" my parents or any other person. 

It is all Your Work.

My work is knowing and serving You with a whole heart - same mind of those earthly examples, and You, Jesus. My work is to seek You - and find You. 

My work is to also pray and love my parents as they continue to seek You, trusting You will let them find You. 

Help me embrace and be fully immersed in my work so that You can be God and do Your Work.  

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Day 3, January 6

"...serve Him with a whole heart and a willing mind..."

Cross References: (edited by me)

1 Sam 12:2  "...but I am old and gray, and behold my sons are with you...I have walked before you from my youth even to this day."

1 Kings 8:61  "Let your heart therefore be wholly devoted to the Lord our God, to walk in His statutes and to keep His commandments, as at this day."  (note to self: read all of Solomon's prayer in chapter 8 for further study)

1 Chronicles 29:17-19  "...I, in the integrity of my heart, have willingly offered all these things...preserve this forever in the intentions of the heart of Thy people, and direct their heart to Thee; and give my son, Solomon, a perfect heart to keep Thy commandments, Thy testimonies and Thy statutes, and to do them all..."

The example of Samuel's life-long service to you, the powerful prayers of Solomon and David on behalf of your people - and his own son, the willingness of David to acknowledge the Lord and lay all before Him - His life's work...

Whole Hearts - Willing Minds

Samuel - serving from childhood until old and gray - acknowledging his sons are "with them" and not with himself - the irony of these father-son contrasts is not lost on me. 

Samuel watched his sons turn from the Lord - and himself- yet he served.  Their devotion to the Lord wasn't his motivation or proof he needed to press on. He knew the Lord and served Him with a whole heart. 

David's hope for his son - the attainment of that wouldn't even be seen by him - but that didn't alter his devotion to the work the Lord had given to him. 

Whole heart - Willing mind

Help me stop measuring the worth and value of serving you on the results of what happens around me.  Results are yours to give. Serving and seeking are mine.  

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Day 4 - January 7

"...for the Lord searches all hearts..."

1 Sam. 16:7  "...for God sees not as a man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

"...and understands every intent of the thoughts..."

Help, Lord.  Help me to remember that what I see - it's only an outward appearance.  I am unable to see the heart and know the intent of the thoughts in my children - or husband.

Forgive me for so often making assumptions regarding their actions and motives.  When I do that, it is rarely a helpful thing. 

Help me to trust you - that You are already searching their hearts, understanding their intentions. Help me wait on You, then to guide me in how to lead, direct, correct, and disciple them.  You know them. You love them. You want to work in their lives uniquely.  And part of that work is through me. 

And you love me.  You know me.  You desire to use me.  Therefore, I can trust you will show me how to best interact and guide my children - and help my husband.  

Keep me from doing this in my own "wisdom" and "strength".  Those are false crutches used by someone trying to still drag her own yoke of futility. 

Help me to keep learning humility so that I can live from the rest that comes from leaning into an all-knowing, fully-loving, all-powerful God.  

Help me step aside to be me so that you can be You.  

You = God
Me = Not. God.   

A Trail of Prayers...

This year I'm taking up a Trail of Prayers.  The "trail" is a journey through my worn and tired bible pages, now marked with brightly colored sticky tabs.  These tabs mark verses and passages that I have begun to pray, plead, and sometimes weep over my children. 

Sometimes, my husband. 

And, always, myself, even though I never intended or anticipated that my great work of prayer on their behalf would actually be more about me and my aching heart. 

This all started several months ago when *another* heartbreaking struggle arose with one of our children-turning-man-but-still-so-far-and-doesn't-even-know-it.  And when I say heartbreaking, I mean it.  I never knew I could actually FEEL my non-physical seat of emotion physically BREAK...but it did. And, wow, did I FEEL it.

Again.  'Cause this wasn't our first rodeo with this child-man or this sin. 

And that led me to a Trail of Prayers.  What started as a desperate hunt for just *some* words of scripture to pray, as my own words were all choked up with tears and sobs, ended in several places of highlighted and underlined passages, sticky tab left to help me remember where to come back. Again and again, because, let's face it, I knew I was in this for a Very Long Haul.

And, yes, the Trail of Prayers began as a Trail of Tears. And, the tears often still come, but not as much.  And that's because...well, Hope.  God's word is everything. And it certainly is the foundation of all Hope. 

And that's what this Trail is to me.  It's growing.  I keep finding more verses and passages to pray. More sticky tabs are filling my worn and well-loved crinkly bible pages.  And I'm grateful.  So much truth to cling to and speak into their lives.  And to transform my own.

So many that the Trail has grown longer than I can hike in one prayer sitting.  I've taken to pray one verse each week for this year.  And I'm allowing these verses to not only be a covering over my family, but a spade for my heart, digging in and allowing the truths to till the soil and hard places that need growth and room for roots to grow strong and deep. 

You're welcome to join me on the Trail.  Everyone needs a good hiking buddy.