Hope Deferred

Proverbs 13:12  "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but when the desire comes, it is a tree of life."

Matthew Henry's commentary:
Note, 1. Nothing is more grievous than the disappointment of a raised expectation, though not in the thing itself by a denial, yet in the time of it by a delay: Hope deferred makes the heart sick and languishing, fretful and peevish; but hope quite dashed kills the heart, and the more high the expectation was raised the more cutting is the frustration of it. It is therefore our wisdom not to promise ourselves any great matters from the creature, not to feed ourselves with any vain hopes from this world, lest we lay up matter for our own vexation; and what we do hope for let us prepare to be disappointed in, that, if it should prove so, it may prove the easier; and let us not be hasty. 2. Nothing is more grateful than to enjoy that, at last, which we have long wished and waited for: When the desire does come it puts men into a sort of paradise, a garden of pleasure, for it is a tree of life. It will aggravate the eternal misery of the wicked that their hopes will be frustrated; and it will make the happiness of heaven the more welcome to the saints that it is what they have earnestly longed for as the crown of their hopes. (italics mine)

In a recent conversation with a friend, this verse came to my mind. In an attempt to share it, I was drawn to the truth that lies within.  As I read Mr. Henry's thoughts, I realized how this verse applies to every area of our lives. Relationships, child training, a quiet evening to myself ;), or the pursuit of job opportunities.

It *is* our wisdom if we keep our hopes rooted in the Creator rather than the created. It is my own foolishness then, that causes such hurt, frustration and disappointment when I am deferred by another.  I was unwise to place my hope there in the first place. 

Practically speaking, I am called to hope in the promises of the Lord's provision and purposes regarding our time of waiting for jobs to come in. This season of waiting is His gift to us for more reasons than I can comprehend. I am to count it as all joy (James 1:2-4). I am foolish to hope in the offers and enticements given by those who make promises of work when they do not hold the future in their hands. When I have rightly placed my hope, it will be one more step on the journey that leads me closer to what I "earnestly long for...the Crown of my Hopes."

I Know Who Holds Tomorrow
Hymn by Ira F. Stanphill, 1950

I don't know about tomorrow;
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from its sunshine,
For its skies may turn to gray.
I don't worry o'er the future,
For I know what Jesus said;
And today I'll walk beside Him,
For He knows what lies ahead.

Ev'ry step is getting brighter
As the golden stairs I climb;
Ev'ry burden's getting lighter;
Ev'ry cloud is silver lined.
There the sun is always shining;
There no tear will dim the eye
At the ending of the rainbow,
Where the mountains touch the sky.

I don't know about tomorrow--
It may bring me poverty;
But the One who feeds the sparrow
Is the one who stands by me.
And the path that is my portion
May be through the flame or flood;
But His presence goes before me,
And I'm covered with His blood.

Many things about tomorrow
I don't seem to understand;
But I know who holds tomorrow,
And I know who holds my hand.

Courtship Stories

In my previous post, I asked for recommendations for resources that share stories of biblical courtship. Since then, I've been given some websites, books and videos to check out. I haven't had a chance to go over these yet, but I wanted to share the resources here.  I know that courtship is definitely unique and it's wonderful to read and see the different ways the Lord has worked to bring families together, all the while staying within His powerful and loving parameters.

daughterhoodbydesign.org  - neat website giving a handbook approach study to the idea of courtship along with other articles relating to young ladies lives. Also a book on courtship is offered in their links.

ylcf.org/courtship-stories/  - Young Ladies Christian Fellowship. A lovely site with many articles of interest for young women. The address I listed is the index to the courtship stories submitted by their readers. I haven't had time to spend there, but I think the entire site is worthy of a Cup of Tea Visit. :)

tobeonevideo.org  - Promising looking video.  It's an "85 minute documentary featuring three couple's journey into marriage."  You can watch a preview of the film at this link.

Titus2.com - story of their son's courtship can be read here.

The Return of the Daughters - another film highlighting the courtship of a young couple.

Here are a few titles that I have read or that have been recommended to me for the purpose of learning more about courtship. 

Before You Meet Prince Charming - lovely book written by a young lady to young ladies. I'm looking forward to sharing this with my twelve year old daughter...in a few years. ;-)

The Three Weavers - Story and study guide written for fathers and daughters to complete together. Along with a great season of biblical study, the culmination is a celebration for the daughter with the father presenting her with a hopechest. My husband plans to work through this book with year with our daughter, timing it so that we celebrate with her on her 13th birthday.

Passion and Purity by Elizabeth Elliot
Best Friends for Life

There are many more. These are just the few that recently came to my attention. Please feel free to leave more suggestions in a comment. Thanks!

Engaging the Heart: A book review

Engaging the Heart: Understanding the Treasure Within

by Gail McWilliams

A book written to parents challenging them with the concept of moving above and beyond the culturally accepted viewpoints regarding dating, courtship and love. From the preface, Gail, a mother of 4 daughters and 1 son, writes, "This is not a self-help book or a procedures manual for love and marriage. It is, instead, a book to challenge us to find a more excellent way that goes beyond our former mindsets and commonly accepted practices. "  (p. xiii)  In regards to this "more excellent way", she challenges parents that, "Our lives must be the ceiling from which the next generation will build - one of excellence. Excellence is never perfection, however. The difference is that perfection determines there is only one right way, but excellence says, 'Sure, there is a better way.' And then, with our children by our side, we begin to search for it." (p. xii, italics mine)

This concept of striving for excellence verses perfection, by the definition she gives, is what drew me into the pages of the book. In the midst of a society laden with resources declaring the "right" way to do most anything, it is refreshing to have someone challenge us to strive for excellence rather than a man-driven perfection.

Amidst the personal stories and experience filling this book, I found a woman reaching out not only to parents with a high call to guard their children's hearts. But I saw a woman burdened for those who have been hurt and scarred by past mistakes, abuses and failures. There is instruction as well as healing in these pages.

As a parent, you will be encouraged by scriptural mandates to protect your child's physical and emotional purity. You will be blessed with practical examples of real families striving to do this in the midst of a perverse culture. Simple, yet profound keepsakes such as teacups and rings as reminders of purity. Spoken words of scriptural blessing, and even a detailed account of the symbolic elements contained in a covenant-style wedding, marriage and life. You will be sharpened in your senses and made better aware of the wolves that lie in sheep's clothing waiting to capture and deceive yourself and your children.  You will be reminded of your duty to guard your heart in your own marriage as well.

While the choices that Gail and her family have made as they've grown their children are different in many ways to the choices my husband and I are making, I am grateful to learn from her experiences and glean from the fruit they have harvested in their children's lives. Knowing that this "lofty" way of thinking can, does, and has worked for other families is such an encouragement to us as we strive to follow biblical thinking rather than worldly reasoning. We can stand strong knowing, as she points out, "Fears of being called 'old fashioned' or 'a prude' are often excuses for saying, 'I don't want to put forth the effort to make it safer for my children.'  Communication and praying together will fuse our hearts to work for each other's success." (p. 26)

Three particular stories or points Gail shared spoke to my heart regarding this new (to us) yet age-old and trusted territory of Courtship. She states, "In some circles, in an effort to make dating seem more honorable, the word courtship has replaced the word dating, but the fruit of it is often the same. Courtship is not being isolated and your parents micro-manage your social calendar. Instead, courtship creates freedom to live your life with a heart that is untangled, a conscience that is clear and a morality that is without compromise. I believe the core issue is guarding the heart." (p. 29, italics mine)  From there, she uses life lessons from their own family experiences to build the image of how this happens.

First, a discussion "overheard" by readers with close family friends. The topic is the phrase and concept of being "asleep in Christ", as it relates to a young woman's life.  "If a young single woman was asleep it did not mean she had to miss out on life and be comatose. Quite to the contrary, it described a season where no special person of interest distracted her as she was broadening her skills, education, interests and just loving life. In this state she could be focused as she waited for the day her prince would arrive for her hand. Though the concept may seem a bit like a fairy tale, the posture is more peaceful than anxiously looking at every male who walks in the door and asking, 'Is he the one?'" (p.30)  What a precious vision for our daughters of a life rich in service, experience and time given to grow their hearts and minds for the glory of God!

Next, in the chapter titled, Secret Garden, she shares the wisdom she and her daughters gleaned from another family raising daughters of great virtue. We are given an analogy of a young woman's life and purity represented by a garden, as described in the book of Song of Solomon. "'The fresh fountains, fruit-bearing plants and sweet fragrances reflect their lives, filled with potential and new buds. The garden will need some attention to develop into its full beauty: watering, weeding, pruning and a watchful eye.'"  (p.31) Gail then asks, "'Where do you see the father in this garden?'" The reply is, "'He stands at the gate of the garden.'" She then describes his role and responsibility as one who "insures the garden is not interrupted by unwelcomed visitors...before it has time to blossom and become ripe.  Ideally, the father is to actively engage with the garden's growth and well-being while securing the safety of his secret garden - the heart of his daughter. 'The gatekeeper will need wisdom.'" (p. 32)

The passage also includes a reference to winds of adversity and winds of pleasurable times. In light of this, the mother explains, "In both seasons, a heart should be focused on the Master Gardener. He is the One who, in time, will bring forth the fruit whose taste will be pleasant to all.'" (p. 32)

We find here a wonderful image of the role parents have in preparing their "gardens" to grow healthy, fruitful and, one day, to be a blessing for all. As I am learning, gardening is a strenuous, sometimes tedious, repetitive task that brings about a harvest of joy just because of the work invested. May our efforts to keep the "gardens" of our daughter's hearts bring an abundant and ever-bearing harvest!

Finally, there is a beautiful description given of the courtship process of their first-married daughter. I cherish this story, as it gives me a practical look into how this really works. In summary, a young man who was friendly with their family, came to the father to share his interest in their daughter. In response, the father arranged private, weekly meetings with this young man. Together they studied the scripture and grew to know and love one another. During this time, the father protected the daughter by keeping these meetings a secret. His desire was to guard her heart and keep her emotions from rising up before the proper time.  In the end, these two young people were discipled, guarded and loved to a place where they could come together in confidence, freedom and assurance of the Lord's blessing on their lives.

What I appreciated more than anything else in this story was the amazing relationship that developed between the father and this young man.  In that, rather than an emphasis on just two people developing a "safe" love relationship, there is a focus on the real future that involves a larger picture. When a man and woman join in marriage, that involves far more than just two hearts. Regardless of the health of the family relationships, there will always be two (or more) families joining together. That involves many hearts. I am so impressed and rejoice in seeing how this father accepted his role to mentor this young man who sought to enter into a love relationship with his entire family. To me, I see the foundation laid for a strong multi-generational blessing for all families involved.  I pray the Lord will continue to give us wisdom as we seek to honor Him in these same ways.

I closed this book with an appetite to learn, grow and find more ways to understand and apply the biblical principles of protecting our children's purity and guarding their tender hearts. I appreciated her example of building strong communication with her daughters as they grew "from the stroller" to marriage and beyond. I took these admonishments for our daughter's lives and flipped them around as a challenge in how we will raise our sons as well. We pray they will grow to be humble, teachable and worthy of guarding the young ladies hearts they encounter as they grow. And, finally, we are compelled to pray even more fervently that the Lord would raise up His truth to others so that our children will find the blessing He has planned for their futures.

A dear friend recommended this book to me, and I am grateful. Not only for the insights I gained, but also to know we can partner together in this worthy task of guarding our children's hearts. I am eager to find more resources that give testimonies and personal stories of courtship and marriage. If you have any you can recommend, please share.

Two Gifts of Hope

Yesterday, the Lord blessed us with two gifts of hope regarding His provision. They are small and some may even say conincidental, yet I know they are gifts from our loving Father.

David received a referal call to bid on a small residential job. There are two other bids in already and the customer has already given their top dollar amount, which would maybe be enough to pay a month's mortgage. The Hope of daily bread. :)  He gives the estimate tomorrow.

He also received an email with the design for the business cards for the new company we are praying will come to fruition. They look wonderful and have us all excited to begin passing them out. We needed that gift of anticipation. Hope of a future.

I view these as gifts of hope simply because they give us tangible things to remind us of the unchanging promise of the Lord, that He will not forsake us. I should not need these gifts to trust in His faithfulness, yet He knows my weakened heart. He knows that I am prone to doubt. He knows that I am prone to worry. He knows that I need grace.  These gifts do not make His promise more real or count as a "seal" of any kind. He does not need to confirm His love to me. Yet, because of His patience and mercy towards me, his beloved, He has gifted me with all that I need to continue to grow in my faith. 

When we first married, the Lord gave us a verse in Matthew to use as a foundation for the life He was building in us.  "And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew and burst against that house, and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded upon the rock." Matthew 7:25 We have that verse engraved on our wedding rings.  Gratefully, we haven't had many times of rain, floods and wind in our marriage. Yet, as we face them now, my heart rejoices that He has given us such a firm foundation on which to stand.

The Solid Rock

My hope is built on nothing less

Than Jesus' blood and righteousness.

I dare not trust the sweetest frame,

But wholly lean on Jesus' name.

When darkness seems to hide His face,

I rest on His unchanging grace.

In every high and stormy gale,

My anchor holds within the veil.

His oath, His covenant, His blood,

Support me in the whelming flood.

When all around my sould gives way,

He then is all my Hope and Stay.

On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand.

All other ground is sinking sand.

All other ground is sinking sand.

words by Edward Mote, 1834

music by William B. Bradbury, 1863

Just What Is a Nursing Mother To Do? Pt. 1

About a year ago, as I was reading God's word, the Lord used His word to show me what a powerful example Paul's life was in the role of this growing church. In his words, Paul came as a "nursing mother" and a "father" to these new believers. My ears perked up. "Please, tell me Paul, just exactly what is it that a nursing mother should do?" I find myself in this role much of my life, so I knew this would be a fruitful study for me. This is part one of the study.
1 Thessalonians 1-2:2

Paul: Gospel Bearer and Our Example
1 Thes. 1:1-10
"Paul and Silvanus and Timothy, To the church of the Thessalonians in God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ : Grace to you and peace.  We give thanks to God always for all of you, making mention of you in our prayers ; constantly bearing in mind your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ in the presence of our God and Father, knowing, brethren beloved by God, His choice of you;  for our gospel did not come to you in word only, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction ; just as you know what kind of men we proved to be among you for your sake. You also became imitators of us and of the Lord, having received the word in much tribulation with the joy of the Holy Spirit, so that you became an example to all the believers in Macedonia and in Achaia. For the word of the Lord has sounded forth from you, not only in Macedonia and Achaia, but also in every place your faith toward God has gone forth, so that we have no need to say anything. For they themselves report about us what kind of a reception we had with you, and how you turned to God from idols to serve a living and true God, and to wait for His Son from heaven, whom He raised from the dead, that is Jesus, who rescues us from the wrath to come. "
  Context: Acts 17:1-15

1 Thes. 2:1-2
   "For you yourselves know, brethren, that our coming to you was not in vain, but after we had already suffered and been mistreated in Philippi, as you know, we had the boldness in our God to speak to you the gospel of God amid much opposition."
  Context: Acts 16:12-24

Paul, the Gospel Bearer

For Discussion: 1 v.5 Who brought the Gospel to you? What was/is their role in your life?

Who did Paul bring the Gospel to?  The people of Thessolonica.
What was his role in their life?
1 v.2 - give thanks, pray

1 v.3 - be aware, "bearing your growth in mind"

1 v.6 - an example, that which they would imitate

Paul, Our Example

Who are you first bringing the Gospel to?  Your family

What is/should be your role according to Paul’s example?
1.v2 - give thanks, pray

1.v3 - bearing in mind their work of faith, labor of love and steadfast hope

1.v5 Are we bringing the Gospel, the truth of Jesus Christ, in word only? Are we bringing the Gospel to our family by the power of the Holy Spirit in full conviction? I.e. Are we working in our own strength? Are we living what we speak?

1v.6 Are we worthy of imitation? Will they be?

1v.7 Are our children becoming an example to all believers? Are we? Are we praying and living to that end?

1 v.8 Does the word of the Lord sound forth from our children? From us? Are we praying and living to that end?

2v.2 Do we have the “boldness in our Lord to speak to our children the gospel of God amid much opposition? Will we commit to this as our duty as parents and disciplers of our children?

As we read and study the book of 1 Thessalonians and Paul’s role in these new believers lives, let us pray and ask the Lord to give us wisdom regarding our role our children’s lives. They, too, are tender shoots slowly growing into mighty oaks for the glory of God. Let us see ourselves as more than educators, caretakers and Transportation Specialists. We are first and foremost Gospel Bearers, in word and deed, to these precious people the Lord has placed in our hearts and homes. Ask the Lord how He desires you to accomplish this mighty calling in your family’s life.



Assignment: Read through the book of 1 Thes. Spend time in chapter 2 looking for examples of Paul’s parental role in the lives of the church family. Pray 2 Thes. 2:13 over your children daily.